Tenten's Diary
by The Candy Man Can
Summary: Take your average bad-ass, booty-shaking, tom-boy, psychopathic panda-head, add a few gay guys, a couple of squealing girls, one stuck up, perverted Hyuuga! And you get my retarded life.
1. Welcome to my screwed up life!

**.:Tenten's diary:.**

**Chapter 1: welcome to my screwed up life!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!**

**Plot Summary: Take your average bad-ass, booty-shaking, tom-boy, psychopathic panda-head, add a few gay guys, a couple of squealing girls, one stuck up, perverted Hyuuga! And you get my retarded life.**

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The reason I am writing this diary, is because my therapist Kureni-san, suggested I keep track of my progress this year after having to have weekly anger management classes last year after a traumatic Bunsen burner incident with a certain someone.

So anyway, I am Tenten, I am in year 9 at Konoha boarding school. That I have attended since I was aged 5.

Most people would describe me as a, bad-ass, booty-shaking, tom-boy, psychopathic, panda-head. Yes I resemble a panda

No, no I am not really fat and eat bamboo.

but I do always wear my hair in 2 buns that kinda looks like a panda's ears.

My best friend is a die hard emo who last year revealed himself to be gay (much to Sakura Haruno's disappointment) and his name is Sasuke Uchiha.

This year I am sharing a dorm with two somewhat troubled girls.

First up is Sakura Haruno the loud mouthed, ugg boot loving, miniskirt wearing pink haired victim of bipolar.

It has been a well known fact around the campus that Sakura has been madly in love with Sasuke since day 1. She often spoke of marrying him and having his children. However this epic dream all came crashing down when he announced his you know, Gaydom.

Unfortunately he chose to announce this at the awards ceremony of my soccer grand final.

Yes it was quite traumatic, but one day in year 4 when I caught Sasuke checking out our "male" homeroom teacher my suspicions aroused, so I guess I couldn't be too shocked.

The other female of who I share this domain with is Hinata Hyuuga. She is a shy pampered princess who knows nothing about relationships and guys.

How do I know this you ask? Well it's quite simple really.

You see her father Hiashi Hyuuga forbids her from dating, yet she can often be seen canoodling with Naruto Uzumaki.

What she sees in him I will never know.

Tenten is interrupted by the ringing of her mobile phone

Tenten: Yello

Sasuke: OMG Tennyten-Chan my hair looks like the ass of a bird, get to my dorm pronto!

Tenten: But Sasuke your hair always looks like a bird's ass.

Sasuke :( gasps) you did not just say that! Ooh gotta go, I need my second coat of blackest black nail polish! kiss kiss.

Yes Sasuke has a thing for black nail polish.

I changed into my stone grey skinny jeans and "I Hate the world" tee and staggered up the hall to Sasuke's room.

Just as I was approaching I saw the door handle turn and out stepped the one person in this world that I despise, Neji Hyuuga!

His pale skin shone brightly in the dark light of the morning.

He had long coffee brown hair that was tied back in a loose pony tail. He was wearing some blue jeans and a white button up collared shirt. With the first three buttons undone, and the long sleeves pushed back.

His pearly white eyes met mine.

I immediately gave him my 'glare of death', he replied with strangely with a look of sudden shock, as his cheeks turned a crimson red, (oh my god! Did he just blush!?).

He stuttered my name (no way he never stutters!) he then shook of the shocked expression and smirked as he engaged me in an all out staring competition.

I was gonna win!

Until that is, I saw Sasuke run across his room like a headless chicken.

This would not have affected me accept for the fact that he was in nothing but a black thong!

I shuddered as he broke my line of concentration….. Severely…..

I then shut my eyes in horror for about 3 seconds and when I opened them I realized that Neji was gone.

Or so I thought until I heard a deep voice whisper in my right ear.

Neji: hn looks like I win……'panda-Chan'

I growled he had just violated my personal space, called me 'Panda-Chan' (how I hate that name) and has now ruined my day. See why I despise him?

Neji Hyuuga also happened to be the certain someone I had the Bunsen burner 'accident' with last year, however let me assure you; I very much intended to hurt him.

I turned to face Neji and give him a peace of my very violent mind, however when I did he was already half way down the hall with his hands deep in his pockets.

As he turned a corner I noticed the huge smirk on his face.

Tenten: THAT"S RIGHT HYUUGA KEEP WALKIN!

Neji: hn

Tenten: why that little arrogant, selfish, pig-headed-

Sasuke: sexy?

Tenten: yes sexy and-???!......SASUKE!

Sasuke: what?

This right here was the one thing I hated about Sasuke. You see ever since 4th grade Sasuke had been making comments about me and Neji being in denial and that we were really madly in love with each other. He seemed to like my rather 'irrational' reaction as I would always take out my anger on Neji.

Even if Sasuke had been the person to blame I just could refuse a chance to hit Neji in a psychotic manner.

Sasuke pulled me into his room that he shared with Neji.

He sat me down on one side of his bed and he sat down on the other (don't worry he was dressed in his die hard emo clothing now).

Sasuke: ok, ok Tenten-Chan….

Tenten: yeah????

Sasuke: be honest….

Tenten: ok???

Sasuke: what do you think…..about…..

Tenten: about what?????

The suspense was killing me! what had happened? Why was Sasuke so serious all of sudden? What the hell was wrong?

Sasuke: what do you truthfully think about……my new haircut???!!!

I sweat dropped and sighed as I inspected his raven hair, I then looked back at his jet black eyes.

Tenten: looks fine

Sasuke: FINE! Are you kidding the dam stylist made my precious hair look like a birds ASS!

Tenten: yeah?...um Sasuke your hair looks…how should I say this?….exactly the same…

Sasuke: really?

Tenten: yeah

Sasuke: well maybe…but I still think she's somehow out to get me

Tenten: just like how the guy that repairs our school's vending machines is out to over price soda??...

Sasuke: come on! You're supposed to be a councilor! So council me!

Right now you're probably wondering why Sasuke just called me a councilor. Well you see after my anger management classes and stuff I took an interest in the human mind and now respectfully have my junior councilor's certificate. So as of this year all my fellow 9th graders will be coming to me to seek guidance and to some degree sanity, not that I guarantee any sanity on my part!

I then remembered that today was second day back and so that meant we would be getting our immunizations.

Tenten: Sasuke what time is it.

Sasuke: 7:30, why?

Tenten: We have to be on the 12th floor at a quarter to 8 for our yearly vaccines (yes our boarding school is set out like a giant hotel; our dorms are on the 5th floor.)

Sasuke: Holy mother of Gaydom, that's today??

Tenten:??? Gaydom ??? I didn't know you were worshipping a new religion.

Sasuke: Tenten!

Tenten: My bad, Sasuke lets go!

I and Sasuke went thundering down the hallway to reach the elevators at the end. Sasuke primping himself along the way.

Sasuke: Does this look good?

Tenten: Shut up Sasuke!!

We finally reached the elevators; Sasuke was madly tapping the up button for an elevator to come.

Tenten: Sasuke, stop that you'll break it again.

Sasuke: Hey I still maintain that was Shikamaru's fault.

Tenten: Shikamaru was away on vacation with his parents.

Sasuke: Was he Tenten? Was he really?

Tenten: Yes! He sent us 3 postcards remember?

Sasuke: uhhhhhhhhh no.

Then suddenly in full synchronization the 3 elevator doors opened at once at with that came 3 decisions.

In the first elevator were Naruto and Hinata, who had obviously been making out.

Hinata letting out a squeal as soon as the doors opened, Naruto jumped back from holding Hinata's waist in his clutches and let out a nervous laugh, both were bright red.

In the second was Gaara clutching a bible firmly in his hands and Kiba texting his mail order girlfriend from Russia, Svetlana. Sasuke (coming into contact with the outside world) put his hands in his pockets, slicked back his hair and put on his death stare.

You see metaphorically speaking there are 2 Sasuke's.

Prissy, bitchy gay Sasuke and regular bad ass emo Sasuke. He is only Prissy Sasuke around his best friends, me and that retard Neji, around the rest of the world he is bad ass Sasuke, but I don't mind which one he is coz I'm friends with both of them. Oh and he has a little rivalry with another member of the gay community, Gaara. Anyway back to the elevators.

Standing in the third elevator was Konohamaru and the rest of the 4th graders singing along to High school musical. Seeing as high school musical is against everything that emo's stand for that only left us with 2 choices. Either in with Sasuke's rival of queerism (Gaara) and the constant beeping of Kiba's thumb relentlessly texting his mail order girlfriend, or the not so secret lovers Naruto and Hinata who were both still bright red.

We headed for the first elevator until both at once, Sasuke and I realized that Naruto had some excitement going on downstairs. Sasuke gasped. We had no choice; we had to go into elevator 2 with Gaara and Kiba.

We quickly stepped in as the shiny doors snapped shut.

Beep after beep after beep, Kiba's phone was getting extremely annoying; if it hadn't been for Sasuke restraining me I would have throttled Kiba right then and there.

Then again the beeping was the only thing stopping the silence in the shiny, golden elevator from getting too awkward. The number 10 lit up above the elevator doors as they sprung open, Kiba tore himself away from his mobile and went to step out onto the 10th floor.

Tenten: Kiba why are you getting off here for? Our immunizations are on the 12th floor?

Kiba: I gotta pick up Akamaru from the vet centre; he just got his immunization too.

Tenten: Oh yeah, makes sense.

And with that Kiba was gone.

I glanced over at Gaara, still the same as always with his short red hair and thick, heavy, black eyeliner. It has been known all along that he is gay and his ego was threatened when Sasuke came out. They both very much maintain that they are not each others types, or so the say. Gaara has carried that bible around for nearly 2 years he is supposedly trying to find somewhere that says killing people is ok and that god is cool with gay marriage. Gaara is also weirdly obsessed with guns often being seen stroking, polishing and occasionally kissing his prized handgun "Bessy" which will hopefully remain unloaded. But if you think that's creepy wait to you see him sneaking onto the 1st graders floor and swimming in their sandpit. He has a thing for sand.

Tensions grew high in the elevator until Sasuke finally snapped.

Sasuke: Hey ranga, your eyeliner's smudged.

Gaara turned to Sasuke.

Gaara: shut up you damn emo.

Sasuke: At least us emo's know how to do eyeliner, oh snap you ranga bitch.

Gaara: Did you just call me a bitch you booby lover?

Sasuke: OMG you did not just go there, GAG!

They both turned to me

Sasuke: No offence Tenten, your little boobs are cool.

Gaara: Yea big boobs make me wanna hurl.

Sasuke: Oh My god, like our principal Tsunade-Sama's

Gaara: Tsunade-Sama's boobs look like loaded canons.

Just as Gaara's mouth opened spitting out the last statement the elevator doors flung open to none other than our stacked principal holding a walkie talkie on the 12th floor.

Tsunade: Well, hello Gaara, your arms look a little pale today we will just have to put something special in store for you.

Tsunade flicked a switch on the walkie talkie and spoke strongly into it.

Tsunade: (into Walkie Talkie) When you get to Gaara be sure to lie him on the table and inject into his rear.

A voice crackled out of it "We will be sure to follow your instructions".

Tsunade: (into Walkie Talkie) Oh and one more thing, USE THE BIG NEEDLE!.

The voice crackled out "Will do Tsunade-Sama".

This was obviously her way of punishing Gaara for what he said.

2 hours later

The line for our immunizations had been so long that it had taken 2 hours for me to get anywhere close to the front.

The only people left in front of me were Sasuke, Ino and Neji.

I looked across the room and saw all kinds of wacky affects this immunization was having.

Some people were crying and rolling around on the floor while others were passing out left right and centre!

Suddenly I heard an ear-piercing scream coming from a curtained off section and I could tell by the voice that it was Gaara screaming.

I noticed that Hinata, Sakura, Kiba and Naruto were all unconscious on the floor. I mean Hinata was expected but the rest were a surprise.

I then continued looking around the room as I saw Shikamaru, the laziest guy in the history of the world, lying on the floor two. However he wasn't unconscious, just asleep, but that's not unusual for him, jeez he's such a pineapple head (no seriously his hair looks like a pineapple).

I continued watching as I saw Neji get his needle with a blank unreadable face (like always) he just got up without even a hint of being in pain and walked out of the room with his hands deep in his pockets. Why did he have to such a perfect, perfect!

Uh um not that I of all people think he's perfect. Because in my opinion he is far from it!

I then jumped a bit as I heard someone rolling around on the floor looking almost drunk, muttering something about youth and guy-sensei and other weird things.

This was none other than rock lee.

He wore a freakish green spandex, had a bowl haircut and eye brows that almost resembled Bert's off Sesame Street!

He was our PE teacher's (guy-sensei's) biggest fan and aspired in pretty much every way to be his clone!

He was good friends with pretty much everyone as he always helped out the lunch lady and was in charge of room service. (Yes we have room service how snazzy is that?)

My gaze broke as I heard Ino scream.

Ino: ow! Ow! Ow!

Ino was your typical blonde, blue eyed, appearance obsessed girly girl. She took 6 hours to get ready in the morning and would freak if something wasn't perfect.

She may even be worse than Sasuke.

She was gossip obsessed! And was always annoying Shikamaru, telling him to be more of a gentleman or to stop being so lazy.

And seeing as she was in a dorm with Shikamaru and rock lee she would always pick on them about everything.

But even so she was one of my friends.

After getting her immunization she staggered over to where Sakura lay unconscious and muttered

Ino: ha, ha fore-head girl! I got my needle and I'm still awa-

Halfway through her sentence she collapsed and lay right next to Sakura…unconscious…

Our school nurse uh I mean medic, Kabuto-san, prepared for the next student after adjusting his circular glasses and fixing his low silver pony tail.

Kabuto: next is Uchiha Sasuke correct?

Sasuke: yeah…

Sasuke sat in the chair with a pissy expression and got his needle.

He flinched a little but just stood up and shook it off a he dizzily walked over to a wall to lean on while he waited for me.

Kabuto: ok next…ah Tenten-san!

Tenten: yep that's me

Kabuto: ok Tenten this shouldn't hurt a bit, just stay still and try to relax okay?

Tenten: okay

I felt the needle plunge into my arm as I shut an eye in pain.

After it was over I stood up and walked over to Sasuke.

He looked at me curiously

Sasuke: hey are you okay tenten-Chan?

Tenten: huh? Yeah I feel fine

Sasuke: ok-ay, then let's go

Just as we turned to walk out the door my vision went funny, I couldn't make anything out, then my head went all light and dizzy.

Tenten: sas…sasu…I think…I'm gonna…

Right then and there I passed out. Yeah I know… real smooth.

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**Later that night**

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.:Neji's POV:.

After the immunizations, although I didn't show it, my head had been hurting like hell.

It was about midnight, but I couldn't fall asleep, so I decided to go up to the roof of our building. I liked sitting there because it was quiet and I could be alone and away from any fan girls ( I had a lot more since Sasuke turned).

I looked over at Sasuke before I left the room. He was dead asleep, and I say dead asleep because in truth it looked like he was cold and buried,

Neji: hm you little emo

I laughed to my self before I shut the door.

I was walking down the hall to take the stairs up to the roof when I heard footsteps.

It was almost pitch black except for one light that I stood beneath, so I couldn't work out where the sound was coming from.

It sounded like the foots steps were getting closer and closer, when something pretty much ran into me.

I looked down to scold the thing, but then I realized it was Tenten.

Tenten: ow! I feel like I rammed into a brick wall!

Neji: uh Tenten?

Why was she here! I turned all red as she looked up into my eyes. Her eyes were beautiful. They were a perfectious chocolate brown and her hair was almost the same colour. She was part Chinese and always wore slightly emo clothing. Probably from Sasuke's influence as she was his other best friend besides me.

She gazed up into my eyes and for once didn't give me a death stare, but almost smiled at me flirtatiously. I turned redder, was she going to catch me off guard and hit me?

I tried to break the silence.

Neji: hm what are doing up so late….panda-Chan?

I thought this would piss her off for sure, but instead she smiled wider and came closer to me.

Tenten: my, my Neji don't you look...Fine…

Did she just call me fine! And call me by my first name?

She put her hands on my shoulders and reached up on her toes.

She then placed her delicate head in the crook of my neck whispering in my ear

Tenten: what would you say if I told you I have always liked you?

Neji: wha…

Tenten: hm

Tenten laughed as she pulled her head away from my ear and placed her right hand on the back of my head. What was she doing? Why did she say all that stuff? What the hell is going on?!

I went to say something but before I could she leaned forward and KISSED ME!

I didn't try to stop the kiss, but just kind of stood there, enjoying it.

Her lips were so soft and gentle and after about a minute or so she pulled back slightly staring once again into my eyes.

Now I was really confused!

I was freakin' red and speechless! And to make this whole situation weirder Tenten was still standing there with her arms around my neck when I realized I was holding her waist!

But before I could doing anything else she uttered

Tenten: do you love me Neji-kun? Cause I love you..

And then without warning she passed out in my arms.

I carried her back to her room (luckily she had her key on her) and gently put her on her bed. She looked so innocent lying there, so peaceful I had always thought she was pretty but now I saw something else as her hair fell out of its usual buns and framed her face elegantly. For once I saw her true unmistakable beauty as I kissed her lightly on her forehead. I then left the room and walked back to mine.

Surprisingly my head ache was gone.

I placed one hand on the handle and then touched my lips with the other, I turned red as I did and smiled uncontrollably.

This was so not like me to be so, I don't know, I guess I was, happy.

I tried to stop blushing and smiling but I couldn't, so I turned the door handle and walked into my room.

But just as I did Sasuke's bed side table's lamp flicked on to reveal him sitting up cross-legged on his bed, seeing me all red a smiley.

I quickly shut the door as Sasuke frowned and said firmly

Sasuke: spill!

What was I going to tell him? I couldn't think of anything to say.

Sasuke had known me for years and new if I was smiling and blushing at somewhere around midnight, something had happened. So reluctantly I sat on my bed sighed and told him the shocking truth.

* * *

**The next day**

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.:Tenten's POV:.

The next morning I was woken up by my phone ringing. I answered

Tenten: ah yallo?

Sasuke: aww hey Tennyten-chan!

Tenten: oh hey Sasuke

Sasuke: ok listen Tennyten I need you to cover for me cause I'm gonna be wagging all today.

Tenten: what, why?

Sasuke: oh well I'm on a train on my way to the fall out boy concert. (Squeals) I can't believe they came to konoha!

Tenten: oh cool! But hey what am I meant to say

Sasuke: oh nothing just back up Neji's story that I have the plague or something, he said he'd think of an excuse

Tenten: dam Hyuuga

I muttered angrily at the mentioning of his name.

Sasuke: oh yeah speaking of Hyuuga's, I heard 'you' kissed a certain Hyuuga last night!

Tenten: wha-

Just as Sasuke said that a foggy vision came back to me. I remembered running into something that felt like a brick wall outside my room last night, and that I kissed someone while under the influence of my immunization.

Sasuke: oh sorry coming to a dead spot, talk to ya tomorrow, kiss, kiss Tennyten-chan

Tenten: no wait Sasuke!

Just then the phone line cut out.

Oh my god! I had either kissed Hinata or Neji and now I wasn't going to know which one until Sasuke came back from the fall out boy concert tomorrow!

Strangely I was praying it was Hinata that I had kissed. I could handle Naruto being a little PO'd at me. But if I had kissed the one and only evil bastard Neji Hyuuga!

To say the least my life was over…

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**I will update soon and feel free to rate it, even if you hate it ;).**

**Please review if you like it so i know to write more**

**Please let me know of any changes that are desired, coz remember......The Candy Man Can!!!**


	2. Which Hyuuga?

**Tenten's Diary**

**Chapter: 2 which Hyuuga?!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Bleach**

**Warning: contains language**

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Oh my farking gawd! What the freakin' hell was the world coming to? To say the least I was in a lot of shit right now! I was also questioning things like, my sanity, my sexual preference and oh I don't know? HOW I WAS EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SHOW MY FACE IN PUBLIC AGAIN?! It was only a matter of precious, precious time before my ungodly secret got out! What the freakin' hell was I meant to do?!

"Ring, ring"

I was interrupted by my phone ringing

"Please be Sasuke that little gossip loving turd!" I screamed to myself, yeah I was pissed.

My voice quivered as I answered

"H-h-hello"?

I heard none other than Ino's evil voice on the line

"I know your secret". She said slyly

I let out a huge shriek and crunched down on my fingernails, Holy mother of god my secret was out already.

I squirreled down behind my bed so than any passers by wouldn't spot me.

"How much do you know, who told you, what's going on"?!?!

Ino snorted "You really have a secret, oh do tell".

Oh praise the lord, she doesn't know, I put my phone in my lap slapped my hands together, looked up to the ceiling and "mouthed thank you", to the oh mighty lord, who for once just might be on my side.

Then I heard Ino's whining voice coming from the phone I scooped it up and slapped it back to my ear, my eyes shifting in the process.

"Uh so what was that secret of yours"? Ino said impatiently.

I started stuttering "Oh, uh, I"

I had to make up something….AND FAST

"Well, uh I don't always wear underwear to bed"

I slapped my forehead and screwed up my face, I can't believe that was the first think I could think of ; I knew I shouldn't have read that article on nudist colonies.

"Oh I knew I couldn't have been the only one" Ino said in a surprisingly enthusiastic voice.

A violent shudder ran up my spine.

"So why'd you call me anyway"? I asked.

"Well I called to tell you to not sit next to the boys in art, but sit next to me".

I remembered that today I had art with Jiraiya- sensei. Jiraiya – Sensei had some strange rules in his classes, like before entering the classroom all girls must pull up their skirts a little way past mid thigh, unbutton 4 of their blouse buttons and a push up bra would boost your grades as well as your bust (everyone knew why Sakura was failing art).

"Uh, hello, earth to Tenten"? Ino whined.

"Oh right yeah I'll sit with you in art" I said in an attentive voice.

"Don't forget to unbutton your top" Ino said in a low sleazy voice.

I spoke into the phone "Um I'll remember".

"Ok see yah sexy, I love you" Ino said cheerfully.

Um did she just say she loves me? And that I'm sexy??

"Ok by Ino"

I hung up as fast as I could so she couldn't say anything else disturbing.

Gotta think, gotta think, ok so today is the first day with classes back and everything, so I'd better check the time.

I turned to Sakura's "Bleach" alarm clock with a little Ichigo and Rukia standing on top of it.

Holy Shite! (Yes, that's right I said SHITE) A quarter to 9 and classes start at 9! I put my hands on my head and screamed.

I just remembered I had left my school vest in the bathroom so I bolted in there as fast as I could and slammed the door behind me.

Just as I had grabbed my school vest I also realized I had walked in on Hinata in the tub (the girl I may or may not have made out with last night), we both squealed at once. Why of all people did if have to be Hinata? Then again it could have been Neji I burst in on completely naked, body lathered in soap, suds dripping down his glistening, chiseled abs, his hair wet and…..OMG NO BAD TENTEN this is no time for fantasizing about your enemies.

My attention turned back to the situation I grabbed the door handle with both my hands and started madly pushing on it with my right foot, Doors always break down so easily in the movies, why must nothing work for me? I put on my best grimace face, looked to the ceiling and started shaking my fist "And I thought you were on my side today" I wailed.

I looked down at the supplier name below the door knob, DAMN YOU DOORS R US, DAMN YOU AND YOUR CRUSH RESISTANT STEEL BOLTS, BUT MOST OF ALL DAMN YOUR 10 YEAR GUARANTEE!!! All of a sudden that 10 year guarantee popped out in my hand, Oh my god the door handle just came off and the door still won't open!!!

I started running around the bathroom in circles screaming (my thoughts are now with Hinata who had to witness my spack attack whilst completely naked)

What would Gaara do in a situation like this? Wait, WTF??? Why the hell am I thinking of what Gaara would do? That suicidal maniac, wait yes that's it SUICIDE (no I wasn't actually going to kill myself).

I'll jump out the bathroom window and land on the scaffolding a few stories below which is right outside my homeroom window!!!! (Now that I come to think of it this was completely mental).

I climbed up to the bathroom window and took a leap of NOT faith.

* * *

.: Shikamaru's POV:.

This was such a drag; I was in my room looking out the window while I waited for Ino to get ready.

She ran around the room getting dressed whilst nagging me about my new found obsession for vodka in my coffee.

"Shikamaru! Your gonna start hallucinating again you know!? You shouldn't mix vodka and caffeine! It's not a good idea!" she whined at me

"Oh shut up ino! Go starve yourself or something! I'm not gonna hallucinate!" I hissed back

Just as I said this I saw Tenten fall past the window!

"Um Ino, you're not gonna believe me but I think I just saw tenten fall past the widow!" I said in an uneven voice

She sighed

"See Shikamaru!?" she nagged as she waved a maxi tampon around in her hand, (sigh) she was so troublesome….

* * *

.: Tenten's POV:.

As soon as I jumped I remembered that all that Hinata had heard was me muttering about the lord and the word suicide and seen me jump out of the window and now she was stuck in the bathroom. But there wasn't much I could do now.

I hit the scaffolding and casually climbed into my homeroom through the window and sat at a desk dusting myself off.

Good, no one else was here yet, people may have questioned why I had entered through the window.

Now I just have to avoid Neji throughout today and wait for Sasuke to get back from the fall out boy concert to fill me in on what he knows.

I let out a sigh of relief, until I looked down at myself and realized I was still in my pajamas……Oh Hell no…… And I had put my grey school vest on over the top of them.

I then felt I was holding something in my left hand…… I looked down, I was still holding the "Doors R us" door knob, SHIT! Just as I said this, the bell rung for homeroom, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!!

Everyone will be coming in, in a second, what am I going to do???

I was then interrupted by my homeroom teacher Itachi-sensei walking in carrying the roll.

OMG, there is some kind of furry vermin on Itachi-sensei's face!!!!

"HAAAY YAAH"!!!!

Yes, a direct hit.

I heard the rest of the class (who were standing in the doorway) gasp in shock.

"Did I kill it"? I asked

"Tenten" Itachi said in a concerned voice while stroking the furry thing on his face.

"That would be my moustache that I grew over the summer".

The whole class was just staring at me.

Oh Shit I had just tried to kill my teacher's moustache, I was in for it now…

I just realized that I was standing on Itachi-sensei's desk in my pajamas with my school vest pulled over them, still holding that damn doors R us doorknob. And I had just punched him in the face. No wonder the class were staring at me. The faces of Ino, Shikamaru, Lee, Sakura, Kiba and Naruto pierced my soul.

I bowed my head in shame as a team of school medics and councilors came bursting in through the door and asked me to come with them. I reluctantly agreed (Anything to get me outta here!)

* * *

**1 hour later**

* * *

I was walking down the hall to art, now fully dressed and groomed, with an ankle bracelet on my left leg! This was to monitor me so I didn't try to commit suicide again.

You see just after my little jumping out the window act, Hinata had somehow escaped from the bathroom and quickly alerted our principal, Tsunade-Sama, that I, Tenten, had just committed suicide!

Although none of this was really true, I didn't want to reveal the truth.

Now one period a week I had to attend a counseling session with Kureni-san about suicide and depression, and my roommates were to keep a close eye on me and worst of all, I was not allowed to begin my counseling of my fellow students until Kureni-san decide I was fit to be giving advice again, as someone who had just tried to kill themselves should in no way be giving advice to others.

I adjusted my skirt and unbuttoned my shirt as I went into my art class.

I immediately got this horrible feeling that everyone in the room had just been talking about me, because they had.

They all stared at me with wide eyes.

Everything was quiet until Ino broke the dreaded silence, as she yelled and waved at me

"Tenten-chan! Come sit down kay?!" she sang

Usually I would sigh and roll my eyes but after today's events, I was actually happy that ino just went along with the day like nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

I walked over to the empty seat next to ino and sat down.

I was now in the middle of her and Shikamaru.

Shikamaru and her were now step siblings, cause last year their dad's got married and Ino and Shikamaru have been fighting ever since.

Any way

Shikamaru said a brief and lazy hello as he promptly fell asleep on the desk, while Ino stroked her hair to make sure it was looking its best.

"Ok! Today my beautiful ladies! And yeah whatever the guys too, we will be learning about the ART of the female body!" Jiraiya-sensei sang aloud

The entire class moaned, this was all we ever learnt in Jiraiya-sensei's class!

It was always how to, paint the female body, sculpt the female body, sketch the female body!

It never ended!

Anyway we were working with clay as we had to sculpt a woman's figure with what Jiraiya described as 'quality curves'.

My thoughts drifted away to the past events, I felt a bit stupid but I could live with it.

What I couldn't live with was the feeling of complete ignorance to which Hyuuga I had, well you know!

(Sigh) I was beginning to wonder if this day could get any worse?

And of coarse as I did I felt a hand stroking up and down my hip!

I looked up from my clay to see Ino, inspecting my well 'curves'.

"I-ino? What are you doing?" I stuttered out, as I was yeah pretty damn shocked

"Hm? Oh nothing, just using you as a model for my sculpture, you truly have a great body tenten!" Ino said proudly as Shikamaru groaned in disgust

I felt Shikamaru tap me on the shoulder, I leaned towards him as he whispered in my ear

"You shouldn't let her do that you know?"

"Do what?" I questioned, what the hell was he talking about?

"Come on! Ino has been coming onto you since grade 7! Don't tell me you haven't realized yet?" Shikamaru continued

Oh shit! Ino had been coming onto me?! Strangely it only clicked when Shikamaru told me.

All the calls, all the compliments, all the sleazy conversation!

I had heard a rumor last year that Ino was bisexual, but I didn't think it was true!

Or that she had the hots for me!

I turned in horror to see Ino blowing a kiss to me and mouthing 'I love you'

Oh my god! I wanted to get out of art…NOW!

Maybe I could jump out the window again?

No that wouldn't work, my councilors certificate would be like revoked if I did that.

So I just sat there and soldiered on through Ino's sleaziness and flirting, for 1 hour!

Ring! Ring!

(Sigh) finally the bell! How I loved that sound!

I practically sprinted out the classroom and began thundering down the hall to the cafeteria like a bullet.

I just reached to door way as my phone beeped a text message?

* * *

.:Sasuke's POV:.

A few mins before Tenten's phone beeped

I looked out the window of the train; it was pulling into the station now (FINALLY)! What an effing long train ride, but it was worth it, Fall out boy here I come!

As I got out of the train I saw a couple fighting over something.

This instantly reminded me of Tennyten and Nejes. I wondered how they were doing.

I was surprised she actually kissed Neji. What if they were making out this very moment!

Wait no, no that's not like Tenten. In fact I was beginning to doubt that Tenten was even aware of what she was doing when it happened.

She had been pretty spaced out after her immunizations.

And that's when it occurred to me.

Tenten probably doesn't even remember who it was! What am I gonna do?! Who am I kidding? There's nothing I can do. I mean I'm about to enter the Fall Out Boy concert!

I didn't want to do this but I was a desperate, desperate young boy.

I had to call in reinforcements to help the Neji, Tenten situation.

I figure Neji could work up the guts to ask her about it, but tenten wouldn't listen to him if her life depended on it.

So I decided on the most sensible thing to do.

I punched in some numbers on my phone, and then put it to my ear, gently flicking my hair away as I did.

"Um yeah" a voice screeched loudly from my phone, what the hell was I thinking? Oh well too late to change my mind now.

"Yeah whatever, Naruto" I said cooly

"Oh, hey Sasuke, what's going on" he asked

"Well listen, how would you like free ramen for like a month?" I asked, yeah I knew I had hit Naruto's weak spot.

"Wow! Would I ever!" he screamed back.

"Well it's on me then, but, you have to do a little favor for me" I said evilly.

"Yeah, sure, anything! Believe it!" he yelled with great enthusiasm.

"Ok Naruto, I want you to find Neji and Tenten and lock them in the science broom closet, got it" I asked very seriously.

"Uh, why?" Naruto asked unsure of my sanity

"BECAUSE I SAID SO DAMMIT! And don't let them out until they have sorted their shit out! Ok!" I yelled impatiently

"Uh, yeah, I guess but sasu-"Naruto continued before I cut him off

"Ok, bye Naruto!" I said as I hung up my phone.

I tilted my head down (a shadow cast over my face) I clutched my hands together and put on an evil smirk MUHAHAHA!!!

Sasuke you bloody little genius, I thought to myself.

I then left to enter the concert, just as I did a thought came to me, I hope Neji survives today, Oh well that's in gods hands now, hehehehe.

* * *

.:Tenten's POV:.

I jogged down the hall to the science room where Naruto was waiting.

You see the text message I got before was from Naruto.

He said "meet me in the science room" yeah I know, it sounded suss to me too.

I opened the door and saw Naruto waiting near the broom closet with an unsettling look on his face.

"Hey Naruto, so what is it?" I panted, you see the cafeteria was on the 2nd floor and the science labs were on 31st floor and I idiotically took the stairs so it had just about killed me.

Naruto shifted from one foot to the other nervously

"Uh, well you see Tenten, I….sorry!' Just as he said the last part he grabbed my shoulder, opened the broom closet door and shoved me in there!

Slamming the door shut after I was in.

I heard him lock the door as he walked off jingling the keys.

"Sorry, Sasuke's orders!" he shouted as he left the science room.

Sasuke that son of a B#%!!!!!!

My eyes were scrunched shut, but then I felt something long and soft running down from my cheek to my shoulder, I started nuzzling it, I then lowered my hands to something rock hard.

A brick wall? I thought to myself.

"Tenten, what are you doing"?

The voice was disturbingly familiar.

I opened my eyes in pain and looked down to the ground and saw two feet, there was no mistaking it, I was not alone.

I started looking up the body, my teeth gritted together.

The body was male and shirtless (Ooh me likey!) I gulped as I dared to look up further.

I saw long brown hair draped over the broad, muscular shoulders.

And then there were 2 pearly white eyes that seemed to peer into my very soul.

"NEJI?!?!" I screeched.

"Tenten, your hands are still on my stomach".

I screamed and tore my hands away.

I tried to turn around as fast as I could, however this was difficult as our bodies were squashed together tightly in the tiny broom closet.

I started grunting and scratching at the wall "Nuh, NUH"!

But it was no use.

I was finally facing the door instead of Neji, I sighed in relief.

But to the horror of me and Neji, we realized that my ass and his crotch were perfectly aligned and squashed together!

Neji shifted uncomfortably as he quickly turned around as well.

However this now meant our asses were squashed together which surprisingly felt even worse than our previous position.

I immediately turned around again, so now my crotch was firmly in contact with Neji's ass.

Neji obviously felt the awkwardness and turned as well.

So now we were back were we started.

We just had to settle with having our bodies being slammed into each other.

There was an awkward silence until Neji said:

"God, Tenten your body is so hot!"

"WHA?!?!"

"Uh, sorry that's not what I meant; I mean another body being in here is making me sweat even more".

I was relieved, but he was right it was extremely hot in here.

"Tenten, if you're too hot it wouldn't bother me if you took your top off too". Neji said.

I crossed my arms and turned my shoulders away from him

"No I'm sure it wouldn't bother you, Pervert".

"That's not how I meant it". Neji said in a glum voice.

* * *

.:Neji's POV:.

* * *

**15 minutes later**

* * *

My body was growing tired from pushing my back into the wall trying to prevent my body from pushing into Tenten's even more and I could she was tired too.

I could feel sweat dripping down my body, but the softness of Tenten's body took my mind off the sweat.

I glanced over at her, her face was turned away from me and a single drop of sweat dripped from her nose, she made sweating like a pig actually look good.

Then I saw a drop of sweat run from behind her neck down her shoulder and into her cleavage, I gulped and quickly turned my head away.

Tenten turned to me.

'Neji, I'm gonna have to take my blouse off".

I blushed severely as my head snapped towards her face.

"Yeah that's fine", I managed to choke out.

"Just one problem, I can't reach the last few buttons".

Oh no she's not asking me to-

"You're gonna have to do it" she said painfully.

My hands were shaking as I reached for the buttons.

ONE  
TWO  
THREE

"There". They were undone.

She wriggled out of the shirt to reveal a black lacy PUSH UP BRA?!?!(She had obviously been in Jiraiya's art class today.)

I tried to stare at the ceiling.

My body couldn't take it anymore; I finally relaxed my muscles that were trying to hold me back from Tenten.

Tenten's chest firmly pushed into mine. (OMG, OMG, OMG)

This would be so much easier if I were gay!

I blushed and tried to back myself up; who knew Tenten had such a soft body???

My mind flashed back to the kiss, it made my heart race, but I was starting to think that Tenten was drunk or something and she didn't even know what she was doing at the time. After all she did pass out, maybe she doesn't remember.

My mind started totally trailing off until Tenten spoke:

"OK, truth or dare"?

"Uh, what"?

"You know the game"?

"Uh, I don't think dare is really going to be an option".

"Fine then, just truth".

"Ok, you have to answer first Neji, so I'll ask".

"Ok, let's see truth, have you ever considered dating Sasuke?"

"…no.." I replied bluntly

"Aww you're no fun, ok your turn"

"Alright, do you think me doing weights has made any difference in my body"?

"Yeah, your muscles are bigger".

"Really"?

"Your turn".

"Do you think my boobs are an alright size"?

I saw something occur in Tenten after what she just realized she said and who she said it too, she was probably so used to talking to a gay guy all the time that her guard slipped.

"Everything about you is beautiful" I said softly reassuring her, but I wasn't lying.

Tenten's eyes widened as she blushed and turned away smiling slightly.

"O-ok, your turn" she just managed to whisper to me.

"Ok, well".

I looked her up and down when my gaze fell on a device rapped around her ankle.

"Ok, why are you wearing an ankle bracelet" I asked while I cocked an eye brow.

Tenten slowly looked down to her ankle and as she did I could see that the reason behind it, just now came flooding back to her.

She laughed nervously as she looked back up at me.

"Well you see".

10 minutes later I had heard the entire embarrassing story.

"Wow" I didn't know what else to say, it's not everyday someone tells you they jumped out their bathroom window.

"So anyway your turn to answer now" she said, trying to change the subject.

"Has anything recently happened to you, that you wish didn't?" she asked with a freakishly serious face.

I thought hard, besides the kiss nothing much else had happened to me recently so I answered.

"No"

"No?"

"Yeah, the answer is no, in everything that has happened to me lately, I wouldn't want to change any of it"

Tenten stared at me frowning for a moment, like she was waiting to see if I would crack or something, but I just kept my confident expression.

Then she did something I wasn't expecting, she sighed, almost in relief.

Was this about the kiss?

My thoughts were interrupted by Tenten speaking.

"Ok Neji, your turn, ask me" she said merrily.

It was now or never, I had to bring up the kiss, so I asked.

"Tenten, do you remember that last night…………you kissed me"

Tenten went red and jumped as she stared at me in shock.

"Neji, I" she whispered in horror.

"It was you?" she continued.

I went to speak, but the door came flying open to reveal Naruto standing there with a mortified look on his face.

"Oh my god! I just realized there's no source of oxygen in there!" he yelled

Tenten immediately grabbed her blouse and vest and ran out of the closet and burst out the door of the science room.

I reached out my hand to try to stop her, but she was too fast.

"Tenten wait!" I yelled, but she just kept running.

Great, now tenten really hated me, what am I saying? She didn't even know it was me she kissed! I'm such an idiot.

I punched the wall near Naruto then I grabbed my shirt, put it on and ran after her, but when I got to the hall she was gone, I had no idea where she was now so I walked with my head down to the elevator, got in and headed for my dorm.

What was wrong with me? I knew she was out of it last night, why couldn't I just let it be and ignored it, I was fool.

* * *

.:Tenten's POV:.

* * *

**Later that night**

* * *

I'm so glad I ran outta there as fast as I did (Even faster when Ino started chasing after me asking if I needed help getting dressed).

It was him, it was Neji I had kissed Neji-Freakin-Hyuuga!

I lay under my blanket with it pulled up over my face; I was still all red with embarrassment.

I hope we didn't go any further than kissing, GULP, Omg Tenten don't even think such things, you already have enough to deal with!

Wait 'til the school finds out that I was locked in the broom closet with Neji, MY LIFE IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!

I will be known as the girl who tried to commit suicide and got with a guy in the broom closet in the same day!!!!!

Knowing him, that stupid jerk would probably run and tell Ino, so that everyone would think he had caught me in his web of seduction, Argh!

STUPID MANWHORE!!!

More than ever now I hated him, I guess it was my fault in a way, but he was the one that took advantage of me!

I was also fuming with that Biatch Sasuke, Grrrrr I should never have asked him to sit next to me on the first day of 1st grade, Hey come sit next to me I said, What's your name, I said, I'll be your friend ARGH!!

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!!!

How could he betray me like that and get Naruto to lock me and Neji in a broom closet.

Stupid Naruto doing whatever anyone tells him to, like a mindless puppet!

Is Sasuke on a mission to get me pregnant with Neji's kid or what!?!? Honestly what the F#!* was he thinking???? Probably high or drunk or SOMETHING!!!!

I put my pillow over my head and let out a sigh, what am I meant to do now? Well I could jot everything that has happened down in my diary.

* * *

**Hey thanks for reading!**

**I will try to keep updating quickly!**

**Please keep reviewing so i know if i should make more.**

**Also if there is anything you think i should change please tell me because The Candy Man Can ;P**

* * *


	3. Fights!

**Tenten's Diary**

**Chapter: 3 Fights!**

**Sorry for the delay!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Warning: contains language**

* * *

Tenten's Diary

Chapter 3: Fights

SMACK!

OWWW!

WTF???

Omg Shite, Shite, THERE IS A SNAKE IN MY BED!!!!!!!

It was right near my face and I chomped down on it as hard as I could!!!!!

HUM!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! TENTEN YOU B#*!

WTF?? "Sasuke what the hell are you doing in my bed"????

"Saving you from yourself you freakin' moron"!!!

"Oh well sure, I guess that explains it"

"BUT WHAT I "CAN'T" SEEM TO FIGURE OUT IS WHY I'M TIED TO THE BED FACE DOWN"?!?!

"Because those stupid freakin' boobs of yours would have gotten in the way if you were the other way around"!

"OMG SASUKE THIS IS THE LAST FREAKIN STRAW"!

"Hey don't use the word freakin, that's my word".

I started thrashing around, making animal noises but Sasuke had tied me down all too well.

"Nuh, NUH"!

No use.

I looked up to the ceiling as best I could

"WTF did I ever do to you"?!?!

"So it's true, you have cracked".

"Shut up Sasuke you smartass"!

"Fine then I won't show you my nipple ring".

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SASUKE YOU JUST HAVE TO SHOW ME FIRST I'M YOUR BESTEST, BESTEST FRIENDDDDDDD"!!!!

"I'll show you, on one condition".

"What, what is it"?

"Ok, but don't freak out".

"WHAT"!

"Let's make out right here, right now".

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I started thrashing around like crazy at this point

"Now I see why you tied you up you little wanna be rapist".

"Eww I wouldn't rape a girl".

"Ok Sasuke you did not just say that".

"I'll give u 5 bucks to kiss me".

"No Sasuke I'm not a hooker what has gotten into you???"

"10 bucks".

"I'll do it".

WTF? When did I get so cheap, I just agreed to make out with my gay friend for 10 bucks for some unknown reason while I was tied to a bed……yeah real classy Tenten.

But I had seemed to have been doing many, MANY un-classy things lately.

"Ok Tennyten just so you know I'm not turning straight (GAGS) sorry the thought of being straight makes me nauseous".

"And the thought of kissing me doesn't?"

"No I'll just imagine that you're a guy".

"Ok, you do that"

Man Sasuke is a weird one.

Sasuke swiftly untied me, what on earth was I about to do??

"So what is the presumably idiotic reason behind you needing to kiss me"?

"I have a blind date tonight and I need to practice my kissing skills on you, Tennyten, oh you're just so lucky"

"Why me?"

"Because you along with Neji are my Bff's and I couldn't find Neji."

"Ok, makes se-"

"OMG YOU WERE GONNA KISS NEJI???"

"Yeah until I realized that if I kissed him, me and you would have both kissed him in the same week and that's just a little too disturbing."

You're tellin' ME…..

"Sasuke, wait"

"Too late now for take backsies Tennyten, MUHAHAHA!"

Again with the evil laugh?? SIGH

And with that Sasuke dived onto me like a caged lion on a piece of meat as I prepared to hold my breath.

Our lips were about to touch when Sakura burst through the door with a chainsaw…

VROOOOOOOOM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

We all screamed in horror

"OMG, YOU PROMISCUOUS LITTLE DECIEVERS!!!!!!!!" Sakura screeched.

All of a sudden she dropped the chainsaw (still on) pulled a tazor out of her cleavage and ran at Sasuke, waving it around like a butcher with a knife.

"This is what you get for pretending to be gay and crushing my dreams YOU F#*ING BASTARD!!!!!"

"HOLY SHIT!!!!"

Sasuke and Sakura were running around destroying the entire room! Everything was knocked over, smashed or about to be smashed! Along with the chainsaw bouncing around the room sawing everything in half, INCLUDING OUR WARDROBE!!!!!

I was caught in the middle of the chaos so I just went with it and began running and screaming.

SAKURA HIT SASUKE WITH THE TAZOR!!!!!!!

"Die, bastard DIE!!!"

She hit him with it about 5 times before running hysterically out of the room.

Sasuke lie motionless on the floor, his right hand twitching a little.

OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!

I ran around the room in circles with my hands on my head.

"Whaddoo I dooo, whaddoo I doo???"

I ran to the chainsaw and flicked the switch off.

I gotta get him to the nurs-, I mean "Medics" office, (Kabuto you bum-smudge)!!!

I looked down at myself, My PJ's were shredded!!!

"HOLY SHITE!!!" (Yes I said "Shite" again).

I ran over to our decapitated wardrobe, nothing…..all of our clothes had perished.

I pulled my suitcase out from under my bed…….I hoped it would never have to come to this.

I pulled out my old uniform that I hadn't worn since third grade, Oh Tenten I hope this works.

I squeezed myself into the thing, hearing several rips as I tried to stand up straight and quickly checked my reflection.

OMG my skirt was so short that my underwear was half visible and you could completely see my bra!!!!

"YOU'D BETTER THANK ME FOR THIS WHEN YOU COME TO SASUKE!!!!!"

I slumped Sasuke over my back and hobbled out of my room into the hall.

ABOUT 5 MINS LATER…

About 5 mins later I was still hobbling with Sasuke over my back down the locker hall until I heard Tsunade-Sama's voice coming from around the corner.

I now wonder why I hadn't just told her what had happened and gotten Sasuke to the medic ASAP……….I guess my guilty conscience is the reason why I shoved his unconscious body into a locker.

I shoved him in as best I could and quickly turned my back to the locker with my hands still on it and put on my bestest, widest grin for Tsunade who was now making her way towards me.

She stopped in front of me and looked me up and down several times.

"So how have you been since the suicide attempt, we are thinking about the removal of your ankle bracelet". She said in a stern voice.

"Uh well, yah know how it is, suicidal, hehe oh that old thing, I barely notice it".

"Hmm, I see but I don't exactly KNOW what it's like to be suicidal but I was confronted with many obstacles during my youth."

Just as she said this Rock lee's head poked around the corner.

"Did somebody say youth"?

"NO LEE, GET BACK TO SEWING THOSE 1000 GREEN, SPANDEX BODY SUITS!!!!"

I did not want to know what she was going to do with 1000 green spandex body suits…..

She cleared her throat and turned her attention back to me.

"Tenten I am curious to know….do you ever feel like who you are on the inside doesn't quite match who you are on the outside?"

Where the hell was this conversation going…..?

I answered "Uh maybe, sometimes?"

"Yes. Yes I thought so……You see Tenten you and I are a lot alike."

What was she talking about??? Did she jump out a window and shove her gay friend in a locker when she was my age???

"You would be surprised to know Tenten (and this is between you, me and my plastic surgeon)…That I well……….I used to be a young man."

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?!

OMFG, OMFG, OH MY F%#$ING GOD!!!!!!!

That means she used to have a…… and now she has a………how does she…….AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Tsunade was waving her, I mean his, I mean, OH I DUNNO! The point is there was a hand flapping around in my face!

I shook it off…

"I see". I said in a modest voice.

She began ranting on about people's inner selves and being at one with your true selves and other disturbing crap when…..

I FELT SASUKE'S HAND GROPING UP THE BACK OF MY LEG!!!!!

I froze with fear, I mustn't have closed the locker properly…

I tried to keep a straight face but when his hand was creeping up under my skirt I had to take action.

YAA!

I trod down on Sasuke's hand as hard as I could, still with a dainty smile on my face.

"AAHHHH!!! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THAT F%$#ING HURT!!!!!" Sasuke bellowed.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow and looked at the locker shaking.

"Oh don't worry that's just my……that's uh that's my ring tone, hehe??"

"SON OF A F%$#ING BITCH, SON OF A F%$#ING BITCH, F%$#ING PAIN!!!"

Tsunade looked at me

"Oh yea it goes on like that for a fair while" I grinned.

"Sakura you F#$%ing psycho, my nipple ring is all screwed and bleeding, NO WONDER I TURNED GAY"!!!!

I put on a nervous smile as Tsunade looked extremely concerned.

"Well the point is Tenten, you should…. come out of the closet if you will".

"I DID LAST YEAR AT HER SOCCER GAME YOU IDIOT!!"

We both turned to the locker again

I looked back at Tsunade

"Text alert tone?? Hehe"

Just then the bell rang

"Well run along to class Tenten".

"Yes Tsunade-Sama".

I was so flippin' mad at Sasuke for almost giving me away that I just slammed the locker door shut and ran to my next class…….which just so happened to be my suicide/depression session with Kureni!!!

**.:Shikamaru's POV:.**

* * *

I was walking to my locker lazily to get my books, I was drinking my new found delicacy vodka coffee.

Ino was so troublesome, she had still been bugging me all morning about stuff like why it wasn't alright to drink alcohol when you were 14, but if it's mixed with coffee is it even alcohol anymore?

Anyway I walked over the my locker and put in the combination, I wondered how Tenten was? She had been kind of weird since the suicide attempt, I new what I saw out the window that day.

Ha hallucinations my ass! Troublesome Ino.

I opened the door and stuck in my hand to grab a book.

"Hey Shikamaru what's crackalackin'?"

Dear god….why…the hell...Was SASUKE UCHINHA IN MY LOCKER?

I screamed on the inside….wait maybe Ino was right?...am I hallucinating?

Yeah, that's gotta be it! Why would Sasuke be in my locker?

I didn't say a word I just shut the door sighed and walked off

Still though I thought I could hear Sasuke calling out

"Shikamaru"

"Shikamaru?"

"Anybody!"

**.:Tenten's POV:.**

* * *

I ran around the corner as fast as I could and heard some boys snigger at me, oh crap I just realized I still look as if I'd let Ino dress me this morning.

My mind trailed off while running and I slammed into a kid with a whole bunch of boxes stacked above his head…

KABOOM!

We hit the floor.

"Hey WATCH WHAT YOUR DOING JACKASS!!"

I saw a shaken Rock Lee sit up..

"Oh, please except my apology Tenten, I did not see you there".

"Oh, it's you Lee I'm sorry".

Lee rubbed his head and looked at me.

"Oh my, well don't you look pretty today Tenten".

He was referring to me looking like a slut.

"Thanks Lee." I replied in a flat voice.

I sighed and looked around realizing there were green bodysuits lying around us everywhere (They had fallen outta Lee's Boxes).

"Uh Lee, what's the deal with the suits?

"Oh you see Tenten, _My youthful blossom, _they are the schools new sports uniforms!!"

"Oh hell no…Lee, what is with this weird obsession with spandex?"

"Well Like youth and Guy-Sensei himself, they are breezy, flexible and have no limits!"

"Say whaaa, did I just hear what I think I heard?"

How does Lee know if guy-sensei has no limits or not and what kind of limits are we talking about?

OK EW, EW, EW I don't even wanna know.

Lee stood up.

"Well I'd better be getting these to the P.E staffroom".

"Hang on a second Lee"!

30 seconds later

Hehehehe

"No Tenten, that is unyouthful!" Lee yelled to me as I ran down the hall with a spandex suit in hand.

"TOO LATE NOW BUCKO"! I bellowed back at him.

10 minutes later

I casually skulked outta the change rooms with the green spandex suit riding up my ass, so not cool (I hope camel toes are in this season).

Anyway I got to the room in which my depression session was being held in, I hope I don't get into trouble for being late.

I slowly opened the door, Huh? Nobody's here yet.

I noticed the room had about 30 chairs sitting around in a big circle, god how many people had tried to kill themselves at this school?

Oh well, I guess I'd just better wait.

I plonked my rear down onto a chair, wow Tsunade sure had pumped some cash into beefing up the quality of the school furniture, this is cushiony as.

I rubbed my rump deeper into the soft chair.

"Do you want to die that badly"?

Eeeeeeeeek

I slowly turned my head around.

"Oh, why good evening Gaara" .I said with a shaken voice.

"It's morning".

"Oh, silly me".

There was an awkward silence.

"Please get off me now".

"Oh, right".

I jumped up off of Gaara's lap

"Uh, how did you get underneath me"? I questioned.

"I was sitting here the whole time you fool".

"O-K" I said whilst nervously twiddling my thumbs.

Awkward silence…

"So tell me, Gaara, what was your method in trying to kill yourself? I said trying to change the subject.

"I tried to get eaten alive by ants, but they couldn't penetrate my skin, I was very sad"…

"Oh…well I jumped out a window, dammit I survived". I tried to be convincing but failed miserably.

"How sad".

"Yes".

It was quiet for a moment, until Gaara pulled out his prized gun, "Bessy".

He began to stroke, kiss, talk to and possibly lick it.

"Don't worry you'll get your chance, you'll get to take my life, possibly another's. He shot me a look and I jumped.

"Let me guess Tenten, your nipples are becoming erect with fear and excitement".

"UH"…

He cut me off

"You know Tenten, I could do it…..I could kill us both right here right now".

OMG I SHOULD NOT BE ALONE WITH THIS PSYCHO…

He started walking towards me with the gun.

"Well you see I made a suicide pact with Sasuke and he's gonna set me on fire, so you see, I can't really go back on my word". I said nervously.

He put on a freaky death smile.

"But anyways a good way as long as you die". He whispered coming closer, still clutching Bessy.

"Uh, um, um, um."

"Put it away Gaara." Kureni said as she entered the room, not even taking her eyes off the folder she was carrying.

Apparently he must pull this stunt a lot!

"I have to cover off on something today, so the suicide/ depression session for is cancelled, you two therefore get this period off, but be sure to attend next week, so we can discuss your issues."

Kureni glanced at Gaara as she said the last few words, she then continued looking through her folder as she left the room with Gaara following behind.

Just before Gaara left the room he flashed "Bessy" at me with an unsettling smirk, as if to say "I'll kill us next time".

I walked out the room in my skin tight suit of youth and down the hall as I felt the spandex disappear up my rear.

I had a free period now so I was heading to my dorm, but still there was nothing to do in there, I could read, draw, think of new ways to black mail Sasuke, get Neji into trouble somehow, or…(and for some reason I said the next part aloud).

"Hey maybe I could jump out the window again! That always seems to get some attention!"

Moments after saying this my ankle bracelet started to beep like crazy! And before I knew it five buff guys in black suits and gas masks jumped out of lockers and tackled me to the ground!

Oh yeah nothing like being pinned to the ground by buff guys while you're wearing spandex, so this is what it felt like to have "no limits", I thought to my self sarcastically.

"mam', suicide is never the answer, please refrain from considering it, we will let you off lightly this time, but next time you will be drugged and taken to Kabuto-sans office immediately, and put on a 24-hour safety watch, understood?" one of the locker-loving guys yelled at me.

"Yeah, right, gotcha" I wheezed as I was pretty sure my ribs were broken by now.

After my "agreement" to not commit suicide, the guys got off me and retreated to their lockers, and I was left lying on the floor, half dead, in spandex.

After regaining breath I continued to walk down the hall to find my good friend the elevator so that I could go to my room and indulge in self pity.

I saw Kiba wagging, as usual, but to my shock he wasn't texting but just looking at his phone moping, and to tell the truth seeing Kiba not texting was like seeing Sasuke without the dead chicken on his head, in other words weird.

I walked over to Kiba and when he noticed I was there he greeted me with a some what "disturbing grin"

"Hey Tenten, did you lose a bet or something?" he asked, questioning my outfit.

I simply glared back, but then greeted him cheerfully.

"Hey Kiba, what's wrong did you run out of credit?"

"Out of credit, no it's not that"

"Then what is it?"

"Well actually I'm glad I ran into you, I know you tried to kill yourself a few days ago but I need to talk to someone about something"

"Well technically I can't council yet, but if we do it in secret then….I can help you…"

"Deal! I have been having problems with my mail order girlfriend, you know, Svetlana"

"Yeah what kind of prob-…. wait not here, lets go to my dorm so no one hears us talking"

I didn't want to risk being trampled by the locker-lovers again, just incase anything suicidal sounding came up during our conversation

"Ok"

So Me and Kiba walked up to my dorm, seeing as everyone else was in class it was a safe place to council him in secret, away from teachers, student and the locker-lovers.

When we entered my room I cleared some rubble from this morning's incident so that Kiba and I could sit down. We took our seats and were getting ready to start our talk, when I spotted some of Sasuke's clothes lying, untouched on the book shelf. I jumped out of my seat and pounced on them muttering "thank the freakin' lord!" as I nuzzled them violently.

I then laughed in triumph and ran to my bathroom screaming "spandex no more!" while holding the emo attire above my head like a sugar crazed maniac.

I'm sure Kiba was probably freaked beyond belief, but in truth you couldn't know me and maintain your sanity, so hopefully it didn't affect him to badly.

After some screaming and thrashing around in the bathroom (as I realized that spandex took the meaning of "_skin tight_" to a whole new level) I emerged from the bathroom in black skinny jeans that were almost as tight as the green suit I had just peeled off me and a loose black shirt unfortunately quoting "_brandy makes me randy_" god knows why Sasuke had a shirt saying that, but any way I was now out of the spandex and in to the emo as I walked back into my room with a slightly "unsettled" Kiba awaiting my guidance.

"Ok so what's the problem" I asked as I sat down with a clipboard trying to look as intelligent as I could while I was wearing a "brandy makes me randy" shirt.

"Well, Svetlana was talking to me and stuff like we always do then out of no where she's all gtg and brb and stuff like that"

"Wait _gtg_?_ Brb_?" I asked cocking an eyebrow.

"I know right! I mean what's her problem?"

I wrote carefully on my clipboard, "note to self: ask Sasuke what gtg and brb mean.

I then continued to listen to Kiba as he ranted on about his relationship and how he was now doubting long distance relationships.

"And then she said _"sorry my hands got frost bite, I couldn't text"_ I mean seriously how would she get frost bite?"

"Um Kiba, she's in Russia, it's like freezing there"

"Oh, but that's not the point, I don't think she even loves me anymore! I mean all she ever talks about is this guy called _Sven_ that she met at her parents ski resort!" he said with tears in his eyes and a overly hurt expression.

As Kiba was talking I noticed how abnormally large his phone was…

**.:Neji's POV:.**

* * *

I left class early because I was on truant patrol and that means I was to scan the halls for waggers and such.

I was walking down the year 9 locker hall when I heard the most angelic thing, It was a woman singing '_hark the heralds_' in a beautiful voice.

It was coming from Shikamaru's locker, I went over and broke the lock.

What did he have a CD player in there?

I opened it and saw Sasuke clasping his hands together with his eyes shut whilst singing

Who knew Sasuke had the singing voice of a woman?

He stopped singing upon realizing I was there.

"NEJI?!" Sasuke screamed while leaping out of the locker onto me.

"Get off me" I said while pushing Sasuke off me and standing up, Sasuke stood up too.

"Sasuke….why were you in Shikamaru's locker singing '_hark the heralds_'?"

"Well it's a long story but basically I got electrocuted with a tazor and Tenten shoved my semi-conscious body in there and left me all alone"

"What in the world did you do to Tenten to get shoved in a locker?"

"I don't freakin know! But it may have been the fact that I tried to kiss her?"

My fists clenched and my eye twitched, I felt this sudden wave of jealousy over take me, I wanted to beat Sasuke to a bloody pulp!

"You did what!?" I asked gritting my teeth together, I glared intensely as if I was subconsciously trying to burn a hole through his head.

"Wow calm down I was gonna pay her!" Sasuke said trying to defend himself as he waved his hands about frantically.

"Sasuke your sick!" I said raising my shaking fist.

"No that's not what I meant! You were my first choice!"

"You were gonna kiss me?! What the hell you sick bastard!?" I shouted, what kind of freak was Sasuke?!

"No! no! I just needed someone to practice on! I didn't even kiss her anyway!"

I relaxed after hearing this and I unclenched my fists, I felt strangely relieved to hear that they hadn't actually done it

"Hn" I said as I calmed down.

"Hn?"

"Hn".

"NEJI!".

"Whatever, I'm going now".

"Where?".

"I'm on truant patrol, so scram Sasuke".

"Ok Nejes!".

And with that Sasuke ran off to his class like the chicken ass he is.

as I walked up to the next hall, I surprised that I didn't run into Kiba, he was always skipping class to text that mail order girlfriend of his, girlfriend, I wonder what having a girlfriends would be like. I had loads of fan girls but I had never been in a serious relationship before.

There were a few reasons for this but only two really mattered, 1: because I was always to focused on every other aspect of my life besides love, and 2: the only girl I guess I ever really _liked_ was well….her..

My mental rant was interrupted as I turned the corner to where Tenten's dorm was, as I walked past the door I heard Tenten's voice as she yelled at someone.

"seriously Kiba! It's freakin' huge".

"well it's really powerful".

What the hell were they talking about? I pressed my ear on the door.

"wow it's so shiny!"

"yeah but it's a bit scratched up".

"oh yeah, what happened to it?"

"well Akamaru was chewing on it yesterday"

"you let him chew on it?"

"well I can't stop him".

"why".

"he just sniffs it out and starts slobbering all over it you know".

"Really?"

"Yeah I think he likes the taste or something".

What was wrong with this guy! Kiba was sick, I mean were they really talking about his…thing?

"Oh my god! Kiba why is it leaking!?"

"Oh that, I'm not sure it just leaks sometimes".

"Why is it all silver?"

"I'm not sure, have a loser look at it".

"Maybe it's dead".

"Dead? Tenten how the hell could it be dead?"

" I don't know, sometimes they just die"

"Not mine, I mean you said your self it's huge"

"Yeah I guess I mean they're usually all tiny these days"

"Yeah? who's have you seen?"

"Oh not many, Hinata's, Sakura's and Sasuke's is pretty small, so is Naruto's...OH! Neji's is tiny!"

"Really, I didn't know he had one?"

"Yeah neither, but when he was sleeping I looked at it, it's like the smallest one I've ever seen!"

"Really".

"Yeah I didn't know they could be that small".

"Yeah well like you said they're all kind of small these days".

"You know I was playing with Neji's while he was asleep, and it's really fun".

"It is?"

"Yeah you wouldn't believe what it can do".

"Didn't he wake up"?

"Nup he didn't even flinch, not even when it started making noises and flashing".

"Wow, he must sleep like a log".

"I'll say! I mean I played with it for so long that my hand was sore afterwards".

"Even though it's tiny?"

"Yeah it's still tiring playing with it no matter the size".

What the f#*! I'm not small! And what the hell Tenten looked! And she's seen Sakura's, Sasuke's and Naruto's, my cousins?!

Kiba you sick bastard! You f#*ing pervert! How dare he show Tenten that! Tenten why would you even be with Kiba!?

They continued talking.

"Oh my god! Have you seen Tsunade's?" Kiba asked.

"No, what's it like"?

"It's all pink and sparkly and stuff".

"You're kidding!?"

"Nup, it's got loads of weird decorations".

"Weird much!"

"I know, actually it kind of reminds me of Ino's".

"Oh yeah? now that I think of it, it does sound like Ino's".

"Yeah with the decorations and all".

"Hey do you wanna see mine?" Tenten asked.

"Well, yeah ok let me see".

"Wow Tenten it's so…"

"I now right, it's pretty snazzy".

"It's so shiny, even shinier than mine!".

"I guess".

"It's a really nice colour too."

"Yeah it's like a kind odd reddish".

"Yeah it looks so awesome".

"Hey do you wanna play around with it?"

"can I?".

"Yeah sure, just don't damage it, it's sensitive".

"Ok….BEEP….ahh why did it beep like that Tenten?"

"I don't know, it's never done that before, oh it seems a bit low on energy"

"Oh yeah mine is too".

"Really why?"

"Oh you now how Akamaru was chewing on it?"

"Yeah".

"Well he keeps turning it on and when he does that it runs out of energy from being turned on so much".

"Oh I didn't know dogs could turn them on".

"Akamaru has his ways".

"But yours is big, I wonder if he could turn on one as small as Neji's?"

"I don't know, it would be hard for even a human to turn it on by what you said".

"Yeah I guess so" Tenten remarked.

Kiba…Kiba Inuzuka…I hate you in everyway imaginable.. I hope you get hit by a bus!

And with that thought I stormed off.

I had this horrible twisted feeling In my stomach.

How could Tenten be such an idiot? To stoop to that bastards level.

Why was she so, different all of a sudden?

I liked the old Tenten but not this one, she looked at Hinata's, Sakura's, Sasuke's, Naruto's, Kiba's and mine!

What was wrong with her? How long had she been like this with out me even noticing.

I had always thought Tenten was a sweet, funny, smart and friendly girl, sure she had some violence issues but I had always liked my little panda-Chan.

Wait '_my_' panda-Chan? why am I being so possessive?

The bell interrupted my thoughts, it was period 2 now so I angrily stormed off to science.

Tenten and Kiba were in my class.

Garr! I was going kill Kiba!

No wait calm down Neji be logical.

I was going to ask Tenten to explain the situation….THEN I WAS GOING TO KILL KIBA!

**.:Tenten's POV:.**

* * *

Her POV of the previous situation

I was staring at Kiba's phone, it was huge! I mean mobiles are all usually tiny these days and like compact. But Kiba's was massive

"Kiba you're phone is freakin' massive"

"Hm? Oh well I guess it's kind of big, for a mobile" he said as he picked up his phone and inspected it.

"Seriously Kiba! It's freakin' huge" I said as I waved my hands about.

"Well it's really powerful" he remarked proudly as he handed the phone to me.

I looked at it closely it was pretty and kinda hypnotizing cause it was so shiny.

"Wow it's so shiny!"

"Yeah but it's a bit scratched up" Kiba pointed out several scratches on the cover.

"Oh yeah, what happened to it?"

"Well Akamaru was chewing on it yesterday".

"You let him chew on it?"

"Well I can't stop him"

"Why"?

"He just sniffs it out and starts slobbering all over it you know".

"Really?"

"Yeah I think he likes the taste or something".

Just as Kiba was telling me about how Akamaru liked the taste of metal and that's why he chewed on it, the phone started t leak from where the battery was.

I knew it was probably just a really old battery, nothing to freak about but let's face it if I am given the chance to freak, then freak I shall!

So naturally I started screaming at Kiba.

"Oh my god! Kiba why is it leaking!?" I screeched whilst pointing to the liquid coming out of the phone.

"Oh that, I'm not sure it just leaks sometimes" Kiba explained.

"Why is it all silver?"

"I'm not sure, have a loser look at it" Kiba said as he gestured for me to inspect the battery.

"Maybe it's dead" I conclude after opening the battery.

"Dead? Tenten how the hell could it be dead?" Kiba asked as he showed me a guarantee that the phone's battery wouldn't die.

" I don't know, sometime they just die" I told him.

"Not mine, I mean you said your self it's huge" he said whilst waving his hands around.

"Yeah I guess I mean they're usually all tiny these days"

"Yeah who's have you seen" Kiba asked me.

I thought about all the mobile phones I had recently come across and spoke.

"Oh not many, Sakura's, Hinata's, Sasuke's is pretty small, so is Naruto's..OH! Neji's is tiny!" I shouted upon remembering the one time I was having a sleepover in Sasuke's dorm ad I secretly looked and Neji's phone.

"Really I didn't know he had one?" Kiba said raising an eyebrow,

You see Neji never flaunted his phone even though it was like one of the best you could get!

"Yeah neither, but when he was sleeping I looked at it, it's like the smallest one I've ever seen!"

"Really"? Kiba asked me.

"Yeah I didn't know they could be that small".

"Yeah well like you said they're all kind of small these days" Kiba remarked.

"You know I was playing with Neji's while he was asleep, and it's really fun" I commented on the games Neji had on his phone, he had some really good ones.

"it is?"

"Yeah you wouldn't believe what it can do".

I mean seriously it had heaps awesome graphics and audio.

"Didn't he wake up?" Kiba asked knowing that phones can be really noisy.

"Nup he didn't even flinch, not even when it started making noises and flashing".

I referred to his message tone going off.

"Wow he must sleep like a log" Kiba chuckled.

"I'll say, I mean I played with it for so long that my hand was sore afterwards!"

You see pressing all those buttons really kills after a while.

"Even though it's tiny?" Kiba stupidly asked.

"Yeah it's still tiring playing with it no matter the size".

As long as it has buttons it's tiring I mean I thought Kiba knew a lot about phones, Kiba you stupid dumb shit.

Kiba replaced his phones battery then sat up with an amused look in his eyes and spat out.

"Oh my god! Have you seen Tsunade's?"

"No what's it like?" I said why I leaned back I my chair.

"It's all pink and sparkly and stuff" Kiba said motioning his hands to make sparkles.

"You're kidding?" I laughed, I mean Tsunade and pink? No wonder she had a sex change.

"Nup, it's got loads of weird decorations" Kiba snorted trying his best not to crack up.

"Weird much" I said frowning, what people did with their phones these days….Them vibrating only makes it worse…

"I know, actually it kind of reminds me of Ino's" Kiba said, I then remembered Ino's crowded phone.

"Oh yeah now that I think of it, it does sound like Ino's" I said in realization.

"Yeah with the decorations and all" Kiba chuckled.

"Hey do you wanna see mine?" I asked reaching for my 'new' stylish slide phone.

"Well, yeah ok let me see" Kiba said, he had a deep undying passion for phones.

"Wow Tenten it's so" Kiba shouted after I handed it too him as he was completely mesmerized by my 'new' phone.

"I know right, it's pretty shnazzy" I stated proudly.

"It's so shiny, even shinier than mine!"

"I guess" I said whilst inspecting my nails, I was trying to make up for my recent un-classy behavior.

"It's a really nice colour too" Kiba said referring to the crimson red coloring.

"Yeah it's like a kind of crimson reddish" I answered.

"yeah it looks so awesome!"

"Hey do you wanna play around with it" I asked Kiba, I had some pretty cool features on my phone.

"Can I?" he excitedly asked.

"Yeah sure, just don't damage it, it's sensitive" I said whilst pouting cutely.

"Ok….BEEP!….ahh why did it beep like that Tenten?" Kiba pressed something and my phone beeped farkin' loud.

"I don't know, it's never done that before, oh it seems a bit low on energy" I guessed.

"Oh yeah mine is too" Kiba said as he picked his phone back up.

"Really why?" I asked, I never thought Kiba would let his phone get low on energy in case 'Svetlana' was texting him.

"Oh you now how Akamaru was chewing on it?" he asked me.

"Yeah" I motioned for him to continue.

"Well he keeps turning it on when he does that and then it runs out of energy from being turned on so much" Kiba said while pointing to the power button.

"Oh I didn't know dogs could turn them on" I said.

"Akamaru has his ways" Kiba answered while motioning that he used his teeth.

"But yours is big, I wonder if he could turn on one as small as Neji's?"

I thought seeing as the buttons were smaller you might not be able to use teeth to turn it on.

"I don't know, it would be hard for even a human to turn it on by what you said" Kiba said thinking fingers would be too big from the buttons.

"Yeah I guess so" I remarked.

I stood up and stretched out my arms, talking to Kiba really tires you out! I put my phone away and studied my notes carefully before saying to Kiba.

"So, it seems like Svetlana is feeling a bit smothered by you, so we're going t try to get you to give her some room to breathe ok Kiba?"

"(Sigh), ok Tenten".

"The bell will be going soon, so lets start heading down to our classroom".

"But, but I was gonna wag!"

"Not if you want to save your relationship you aren't! listen your in my science class so we can talk more about a plan in science ok".

"But what about our assigned seats? You have to sit next to Hyuuga don't you?"

"Oh screw-boy?...yeah I do actually. Don't worry I'll just bug Anko-san until she lets me move kay?".

"Alright Tenten I'm gonna trust you….even if you do look like you robbed Sasuke this morning" as Kiba said this he clearly and proudly checked out my ass!

I stiffened and pursed my lips together as I remembered how tight Sasuke's freakin' jeans were, I mean I knew they made skinny jeans, but until now I had never heard of anorexic jeans!

"Shut up Kiba you perverted asshole!"

"AHHHH! No Tenten I wanna live!"

I chased Kiba around the room laughing and cursing evilly while he screamed and thrashed around begging for mercy, hehehehe I just love scaring people!

10 minutes later

Kiba and I entered our science class really late, the first thing I heard was all 20 students gasp, followed by almost all the guys whistling at me and making stupid remarks for 2 reasons.

1: I just entered the classroom late with the well known promiscuous Kiba

2: I was wearing the tightest jeans the world has ever known and a shirt saying "_brandy makes me randy_"

The only guys who weren't being assess were Sasuke(dah he's gay! Even if he did try to kiss me) and Neji (but he's probably just scared because I am in the same room as him and Bunsen burners MUHAHAHA!) I went to go and shit with Neji and Sasuke in our usual science group when Kiba grabbed my wrist and whispered.

"Don't forget we have to make a plan".

I quickly replied and ran over to Anko-san.

"Hey Anko-san uh I mean sensei?" I whined at her.

"What the hell do you want Tenten?"

I laughed, Anko knew me all to well, if I whined I wanted something and was gong to kick and scream till I got it.

"Can I switch science groups?"

Anko frowned, Kiba smiled, Neji glared at Kiba like he was trying to tell him telepathically "I want you to die bastard" and Sasuke, well Sasuke just stood up enraged and seemingly hurt and screamed completely out of character.

"WHAT THE HELL TENTEN?!"

You could tell Sasuke was really shocked cause he dropped his bad ass-emoness for a split second to scream at me, even Neji looked scared for a moment but he quickly recovered and continued mouthing 'die' at Kiba.

I was pretty sure someone asked Neji if his jaw was cramped and Neji pretended that he was just stretching it out, but I was sure the word die was rolling off his lips.

"why do you want to switch?" Anko asked brining me back to reality.

"Um I just wanted to be in Kiba's group today, so I could help him catch up seeing as he missed our last lessons" I said in a sweet innocent voice.

"Well ok, but if there is another Bunsen burner incident, I'm banning you from science" Anko snorted at me.

"Thanks Anko uh san I mean sensei!" I sang merrily as I grabbed Kiba's wrist and led him over to the desk behind Sasuke and Neji.

I pulled out a note book and clicked my pen ready

"So what can we do to get Svetlana's attention?"

"Well, she gets jealous easy, hates being ignored, oh she really hates it when I call her freakzilla'

'you call her _freakzilla_?" I asked cocking an eyebrow.

"What? She's freaking tall!"

"I see" I said sarcastically.

I Jotted down the points on my note pad

1: jealousy

2: being ignored

3: being called 'freakzilla"

"Ok. So let's go with point's one and two ok Kib's ?"

As soon as I called Kiba 'Kib's', Neji shot around like a dart and glared at Kiba with killing intent, if looks could kill Kiba would be cold and buried by now.

Kiba forced a nervous smile and waved at the glaring face in front of him.

God! What was Neji's problem lately? And why was he out to kill Kiba? Was he jealous that I gave Kiba a pet name?

.:Sasuke's POV:.

* * *

Neji had been glaring at Kiba since he and Tennyten entered the room, apparently wearing the outfit I was gonna wear out tonight, this just means that I get to wear something of hers, Oh yeah black-thigh-high-hooker boots HERE I COME!

At this point I had also realized that I had put my thong on back to front this morning…I will be doing this more often.

It was clear Neji was freakin' jealous that she switched groups to be with Kiba, not that I was happy either.

Tenten and Kiba kept talking and laughing, while Neji was getting tenser by the minute.

I had to break the silence before Neji cracked, and by cracked I mean before Neji cracked every bone in Kiba's body!

"So, Nejes how was truanting patrol?"

Neji snapped to face me and gave me a look like _'you shouldn't have asked that if you value your life'._

"Fine!" he snapped at me with killing intent

I sighed, what the hell happened this time? If Neji was yelling then something bad had happened, you see Neji is in many ways like a girl.

How do I know this you ask? Well after spending many years being best friends with Tenten, the crazy, violent, weapon loving –tom boy and Neji the man of few words (like if he says more that 'hn' consider it a miracle) Hyuuga prodigy and genius.

I strangely came to the messed up conclusion that they are extremely alike.

So anyway my point is, if you ask Neji how he is, and he says 'hn' then he is just being his usual pissy, ice-queen, I refuse to give into being an emo-self, but if he says he's 'fine', then he is on the brink of a horrible rampage ending in someone being expelled, however he has only been on these rampages twice, one time when someone dissed his hair and the other when I broke his ipod that Tenten reluctantly bought him when they were 10 (god he loved that thing)

So anyway this meant Neji was pissed.

"Teh" Neji shook and tensed he was twitching like mad, I had to do something, so I hit him on the head with a test tube.

"Ow!" Neji yelled (oh my god! He's showing emotion!)

I snickered as Neji rubbed his head, at least now he had stopped freakin' me out with all the murderous twitching and growling.

"Sasuke you ass, what the hell was that for?" Neji said this in a vicious whisper so no one but me heard.

"hn, god Neji, what crawled up your ass and died?" I snickered with a smirk, it's surprisingly fun to piss Nejes off.

"Kiba" he whispered back to me.

Wait WTF?! Kiba crawled up Neji's ass and died?! Wait…no Kiba's behind us…so that means…oh!

Understanding dawned on my beautiful face.

Neji was pissed at Kiba! My look of understanding followed by a look of ignorance as I turned to Neji and asked.

"Why?"

Neji sighed and turned slightly to look at Tenten and Kiba, he frowned slightly and turned back to me.

"I just don't get it" Neji whispered to me looking really confused.

"Well frankly, neither do I, why are you pissed at Kib's?" I asked still not understanding.

Neji shot up and sneered at me angrily.

"Now you're calling him Kib's?"

"Uh, well it's catchy" I said.

Neji sighed and frowned with confusion, why was he mad at Kiba, why had he been so mad about stuff lately, I would suspect that it's that time of the month but Neji doesn't have a vagina….I think…Well he's never _proven _it.

Then all the pieces came together in my emo mind, everything that had been annoying Neji lately.

It had been me, Naruto and Kiba, but all these things had been involved with…TENTEN!

My face went pale in shock as I sprung up.

Neji looked at me raising an eyebrow.

I couldn't believe it! No way! No freakin' way!

Wait no Neji likes Tenten..but Tenten hates Neji? And Tenten thinks Neji hates her? But Neji doesn't hate her? But Tenten hates him? Why do they have to be so complicated?!

The whole boys stuff girls stuff is just another reason I decided to turn all the way.

How the hell did this happen?! My 2 bff's were, well god knows what they really _were_ but I did know that this was going to be very interesting!

I smirked slyly as I whispered to Neji twisting a little bit of his hair.

"So, Neji, all this would have anything to do with….Tenten-Chan…would it?"

Neji shot up and blushed slightly, he turned to me and stammered.

"W-why would I?.....I-I couldn't!...I mean it d-doesn't" Neji shouted loudly forgetting to whisper.

"Shut up screw-boy! I'm trying to concentrate!"

Tenten shouted as she threw her pen at the back of Neji's head and seeing as she had a perfect accuracy rate, it came as no great shock when it hit Neji squarely in the back of the head.

Neji turned around and snickered at bit at Tenten's antics.

"Hn, nice shot….panda-Chan.." Neji chuckled as he picked up her pen and chucked it back to her.

Surprisingly enough she just caught it, frowned and then smirked back at Neji.

She then went back to talking with Kiba, and as soon as she did Neji scowled and turned swiftly around.

"I knew it" I whispered to Neji still smirking.

Ow, Shit my bikini line stubble keeps prickling my goods..

Neji then turned back to remembering our conversation and my presence

"Y-you, argh" Neji replied.

Yeah by now he realized that I witnessed his whole moment with Tenten, and although no one else but me realized it, this was Neji's messed up way of flirting, as in calling Tenten by her most hated of nick names and smirking.

Neji sighed and wrote on a piece of paper, he then reluctantly handed it to me with his teeth gritted, I could tell he was reluctant about giving me the note as I had to practically pry it out of his hands!

"_Ok, so you worked it out, I 'like' Tenten, what are you planning to do?"_

I snickered and wrote back.

"_Wax my bikini line and go get an Arnold Schwarznegger look-a-like to give me a lap dance".._

Neji frowned in disgust and wrote back

"_About Tenten you idiot"_

What. He should have been more specific when asking_ "What are you planning to do?"_

"_Oh just something evil, anyway how long have you liked her?"_

Neji raised an eyebrow as he read it and scribbled back.

"_Sasuke, you should know by now that I'm not going to tell you that?"_

I sighed but the but then smiled evilly as I wrote back.

"_Oh yeah? Well I guess I'll just have to tell Ino about the 'wonders' of the science broom closet"._

Neji frowned intensely as he read the note and angrily passed me his reply.

"_you wouldn't"_

I didn't even have to think about what my reply would be I just wrote and snickered.

"_I would"_

And after my ingenious threat Neji passed back the note looking defeated

I read it

"_too long"_

I raised an eyebrow to the reply, what the hell did he mean by too long?

I slowly jotted down my question and handed a now sulking Neji the note

He opened it and read it .

"_Neji, I'm sorry, but not everyone in the world is a FREAKIN" POET! What the hell does 'too long' mean?"_

Shockingly Neji chuckled a bit and wrote back with a smirk.

To tell the truth I was happy to Neji smirking instead of sulking, it creeps me out when he goes all 'semi-emo' on me (yeas he is only semi-emo, he will not be full fledged until he let's me die that hair of his black)

I read the reply as I realized what Neji meant

"_Well it sounds kind of cliché but, I have liked Tenten for almost ever, when I first met her I did hate her, but it wasn't long before her personality and smile grew on me and since then I have always liked her like that"_

My first reaction was shock followed by an internal scream and fit of giggles, take note this was all on the inside

After my little psych, I realized that there had always been signs of Neji liking Tenten, but I had never really noticed them before.

So, Neji likes Tenten huh? This means only one thing…..IT"S SLEEPOVER TIME! MUHAHAHAHA!

**.:Tenten's POV:.**

* * *

I had been swinging on my chair and rubbing my temples for sometime now.

What was I going to do about Svetlana and Kiba?

Well I could….

"Ow" Sasuke threw piece of paper at me attached to a pencil

I read the paper.

"_Tenten, there is this guy that likes this girl, I'm meant to be giving him advice but you're the councilor so just tell what to tell him, ok so there is this guy that likes this girl, but he is really jealous because she has been hanging around with another guy, what should he do?"_

I had no idea what the f$#% Sasuke was talking about, but it gave me an ingenious idea for Kiba!

"Hey Kiba".

"Yeah Tenten?"

"What if we used the jealousy method?"

"Yeah but what can I do to make her jealous?'

"Well, just text her heaps about some other girl at your school, and when she texts you don't reply for like a few minutes, so she'll also think your ignoring her, these two things combined equal Svetlana believing that you are falling for someone else and when you don't text back not only will she think you're ignoring her but she'll think that when you don't reply, you are too busy with this other girl".

"Tenten…that is conniving, evil, cruel, deceiving, betraying…and pure genius, let's do it!"

Kiba raised his hand to hi 5 me as the bell went for 3rd period

I smiled and hi 5'd him

Unfortunately after hi-5ing him I realized that we had been working with super glue and Kiba and my hands were now glued tightly by the palm.

We tried everything to get apart as everyone left the room, but no matter what, we were stuck.

"Now what?" Kiba asked.

"Well, well".

"Well?" Kiba asked.

"We'll just have too walk around like this until school hours are over, then we can go to the nurse uh I mean medics office for help" I said confidently.

Kiba twitched and stammered.

"So, we're going to walk around?"

"Yep".

"All day?"

"Right".

"Holding hands?"

"That's the plan!" I sang merrily.

Kiba frowned followed by him smiling and saying cheerily.

"well I like it!"

1 hour later

Me and Kiba had successfully spent half the day going everywhere holding hands, however I was growing tired of all the stupid guys telling Kiba that '_he's the man' _after seeing my ass-hugging jeans and our hands clasped together, but what was worse was all the girls whispers and dirty looks, though Ino just burst into tears instead.

Kiba's plan to make Svetlana jealous was going well and in someway it had become a weird reality.

Neji and Sasuke had been surprisingly talkative today, but only to each other and Neji had been especially stuck up to Kiba, glaring at him every chance he got, mouthing die and I swear in wood work he "Intentionally" threw that hammer in Kiba's direction even if he claims his hand slipped.

I wondered what Kiba had done to him? Also Shikamaru had been really spaced out, he kept looking at Sasuke and almost asking him something about his locker but then stopped and would say "never mind" or "it's too troublesome".

Oh and the latest disturbing moment of the day was when Kiba and I were walking to wood work and we heard Lee and Guy-Sensei yelling at each other from inside the gym, I think it was fair to say Kiba and my interest was slightly sparked as we sneakily peered into the gym to see what was going on.

When we peered through the door our innocent eyes, ok let's rephrase that _"my"_ innocent eyes, and however innocent Kiba's eyes get, were met with a somewhat "_unsettling_" sight.

We saw Guy-Sensei congratulating Lee after a training session, but the only problem with this was the fact that Guy-Sensei's hand, was enthusiastically slapping lees, well, _ass._

This was followed by lee saying some thing that sounded like…

"Yes guy-sensei!, it was very youthful indeed!

Followed by Lee returning the _"unsettling"_ gesture to Guy-Sensei's spandex covered, yeah, well, _ass._

They continued laughing and saying stuff about youth as they slapped each other on the behind.

I shuddered every time I heard the crack of the next slap, these are the kind of weird sights that keep me awake at night.

Anyway, I had, had a pretty unordinary day full of strange "_incidents_" but besides that I did get some good gossip from my other classes.

I had heard from Ino that Sakura had a new crush and Lee was way jealous and apparently Naruto and Hinata had been caught making out in the elevator again, honestly what part of 'secret' lovers don't they understand?! Oh and Gaara had been seen stealing my stunt by trying to jump out a window and commit suicide this earned my some strange attention for creating a style of suicide called 'the flying panda' catchy isn't it?

So anyways, we were now making our way down the hall towards the cafeteria to meet up with our usual gang of psycho's.

We entered the cafeteria and walked over to our group, everyone accept Neji and Sasuke were here by now sitting around our table chatting.

Kiba and I stayed standing up as we explained why we were holding hands and why I was dressed like a skanky version of Sasuke.

**.:Neji's POV:.**

* * *

Sasuke and I walked down the hall with our hands deep in our pockets as we approached the cafeteria.

I was pretty pissed off, you see all day Kiba and Tenten had been sitting together and talking and laughing and ever since science they had been holding hands!

Oh and I still hadn't forgotten about the '_conversation_' they had in Tenten's dorm earlier.

Kiba that sick bastard! I still can't believe Tenten would be involved in that! And Tenten what had been up with her? Didn't she know how worried I was about her?! I mean first she's ignoring me and NOW she's with Kiba, and what was with her recent behavior? Even for Tenten she had been acting strangely! Seriously jumping out of a window? Shoving Sasuke in a locker? And now what was she thinking when she got dressed this morning?! I couldn't stand seeing all the F#!ing pervs in our school check out her butt! And all the girls whispering about her was awful too! But why was I so worked up? Was I truly jealous? Was I Neji Hyuuga jealous that Tenten was with someone else?

I couldn't work it all out properly but to say the least I just wanted Kiba to keep his f%$#ing hands off '_MY_' panda-Chan! There I said it! '_my_' panda-Chan!.

I had discussed everything with Sasuke and he was apparently making some evil scheme involving a sleep over or something.

Argh! If only that hammer had hit Kiba in the head like I intended, why did Tenten have to have good reflexes and pull him out of the way?!

Sasuke and I entered the cafeteria too see our entire group laughing and smiling while Tenten and Kiba stood there holding hands! Why was everyone just laughing like it was normal?!

Was I the only one who could see so many problems with this situation?!

The next thing I did was on pure instinct, Sasuke tried to stop me but at this point in time I had, had enough!

I walked angrily up to Kiba and the whole group hushed and stared with looks of terror as I glared intensely clenching my fists and tapping Kiba on the shoulder

He turned around and smiled.

"Hey Neji! How's it goi-"

His voice was cut off by me punching him in the face without restraint. But even then Tenten and his hands _remained_ together and Tenten fell over with him.

"Neji! What the hell is wrong with you!?" Tenten screamed at me with a scared and worried look in her eyes.

I unclenched slightly as I realized what I had done, but my feelings of remorse, stupidity and regret were broken my Akamaru running at me growling and then biting me on the crotch! In hopes to avenge his now bleeding master.

"ARGH!" I screeched as his fangs plunged in to my tender region.

Now I was screeching and shaking my crotch from side to side to try and get Akamaru off as he hung on and was suspended in the air, Kiba was bleeding, a lot!, I'm pretty sure I broke his nose, and Tenten had somehow hit her head when she fell down and now her forehead was all read and swelling up.

Because of this the entire cafeteria went into chaos!

Sakura pulled out a tazor!? (where in the world did she get that from?!) followed by Sasuke squealing.

"Not again!?"

And running out of the cafeteria

Next thing I saw Hinata pass out and Naruto get flattened as she fell on him and then Ino started stripping while she stood on the table!

Shikamaru tried to get her down and that resulted in an almost naked Ino and Shikamaru collapsing on the ground taking lee and Gaara out with them just after he pulled his gun "Bessy"!

Everything was chaos! And it was all my damn fault!

Later that day

After the cafeteria incident Tenten, Kiba and I all sat outside the nurse uh I mean medics office.

Would you believe that through all the fighting and tazoring and stripping, Kiba and Tenten were still holding hands!?

This made me sulk and glare at Kiba.

It had been silent for sometime now.

Kiba and Tenten sat side by side on one side of the hall holding hands, while I sat alone on the other side with my hands lightly placed over my 'injured' crotch.

Tenten was looking down at her feet, Kiba had his other hand over his nose and was avoiding eye contact with me, he probably had gotten the message by now that if there was one person I was going to kill in the world it was him!

**.:Tenten's POV:.**

* * *

I just sat there looking at my shoes.

Why was Neji such a freakin' bastard?!

Why the hell did he punch Kiba in the face!? Why the F#! Did he hate Kiba!?

God my day was just going from bad to worse!

First the gay kiss, then the tazor, then my 3rd graders uniform, then shoving Sasuke unconscious body in a locker, then Tsunade's disturbing chat, then Gaara's suicide pact, then being tackled to the ground by the locker-lovers, then the ass-hugging jeans, then Neji's death stares to Kiba, then getting glued to Kiba, then all the pervs checking me out, then Neji punching Kiba, then hitting my head on a table and now me being stuck outside Kabuto's freakin' office, still glued to Kiba and still in the uncomforting presence of screw-boy Neji, the lord of semi-emo-ice-queens!

I shot my head up at Neji and death glared him.

"Hey screw-boy! What the F#! is you problem?!" I yelled at him with pure detest.

Neji glared back at me and shouted.

"Nothing! What the hell's with your jeans panda!?"

Oh no he didn't! that was pure evil Hyuuga.

"God why are such a freakin' perv?!" I yelled as I stood up dragging Kiba with me and taking out two chairs with his body.

"Perve!? Seeing as you're with Kiba I'd think you liked pervs!?" Neji sneered.

"Hey I'm not a freakin' perve!"…I just have needs… Kiba objected.

"Oh yeah!? Then what was with little conversation in Tenten's dorm today!?" Neji asked.

"What? How did you know?!" I asked.

What the frik! was Neji stalking me?!

"That's right I heard it! I was on truant patrol and I was walking past your room!?"

Wait so Neji knows about the plan with Svetlana!? And I wasn't meant to be counseling yet! No they'll take my certificate away for good!

"So you heard huh?" Kiba asked.

"Yeah! Every word! Kiba you sick bastard!" Neji yelled.

"Wait, how does that make Kiba a perv?" I asked not understanding Neji.

"Don't play dumb Tenten! you two were talking about how big '_it_' was! And all about other people's '_things_' and you showed Kiba your '_thing_'!"

So Neji was calling Kiba a perv because I looked at his phone and showed him mine?....was Neji high?

"Yeah we were, so?!" I asked.

"Wait Neji, what do you mean by '_it_' and '_things_'" Kiba asked.

I looked confused what did Kiba mean?

"Well, you know '_peoples…parts_'" Neji said hesitantly.

Kiba laughed a bit and then said proudly with a slutty smirk on his face.

"Neji, you have a sick mind! Me and Tenten were talking about cell phones, you see mine is larger than phones are usually these days and she showed me hers because it's new" Kiba laughed.

A look of understanding and embarrassment dawned on both mine and Neji's face's we were both yelling over stuff that we didn't even understand.

"So, then why have you been hanging around with Kiba all day and holding his hand?" Neji asked as he appeared a bit hurt and jealous.

"Well we've been hanging around because she's been giving me advice about my mail order girlfriend" Kiba stated.

"And well about our hands, we're stuck, super glues miss hap" I explained attempting to separate myself from Kiba.

"So, you aren't together in any way?" Neji asked like his life's very meaning rode on my answer.

"No" I said without hesitation.

Neji sighed in relief but then stiffened and apologized for his behavior and for assaulting Kiba.

What was up with Neji lately he as all angry when guys were whistling at me in science and he punched Kiba because he thought we were going out?

My thoughts suddenly drifted back to the note Sasuke threw at me in science, he said a guy was jealous because the girl he like was with someone else and he had been talking to Neji at the time and back then Neji thought me and Kiba were together.

I blushed did, Neji, like me?

It makes sense I guess, but, I thought Neji and I, I thought we hated each other, why would he?

I looked up at Neji with confusion, he seemed to sense I was looking at him and he met with my gaze and without glaring or looking away he…smiled..

"What in gods name happened to you 3?!" Kabuto questioned as we sat there me in ass tight jeans and a suggestive shirt with a swollen forehead, Kiba holding my hand with a clearly broken nose and Neji with his hands over his crotch looking like all his pride had been ripped from him, because well it had.

Kabuto then sighed and motioned for us to enter his office, this was probably just the beginning of more freakin' problems for me!

Well at least the fights were over.

* * *

**Hey thanks for reading!**

**I hope you enjoyed reading Tenten's Diary as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**Sorry for the delay.**

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	4. The Cabana Boy?

**First and foremost I would like to thank all the fanfic readers out there that take their time to review my story, they are as follows.**

**High Queen Susan the Gentle**

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**Thank you so much I really appreciate your reviews.**

**.:Tenten's Diary:. **

**Chapter 4: The Cabana Boy?**

* * *

Right now I'm lying in bed and it's pretty late, It's been one week since I last wrote in my diary so I'll just recap on what's been going on. Ok well, I got my ankle bracelet off now and there will be no more suicide pacts with Gaara as I am now deemed to be fully recovered and sane, well saner. Tomorrow is the first day I begin my counseling of my fellow troubled students. Its Sunday night so tomorrow I have Sasuke, Gaara, followed by Ino and last and least Shikamaru-pineapple head.

Here's a copy of my schedule

Monday: Sasuke, Gaara, Ino and Shikamaru

Tuesday: Hinata and Naruto for couples therapy and Gaara

Wednesday: Lee, Sakura and Gaara again

Thursday: Kiba and you'd never guess our red headed freak Gaara

Friday: well it would've been my day off but Gaara again

And I have the weekends off

Whelp I'd better get some shut eye before Hinata brings Naruto back to our bathroom for their late night canoodling (Shudders).

* * *

**The next morning**

I awoke to my phone screeching (Soulja boy Crank that in chipmunk version).

AAAAHHHHHH!

I nearly fell outta my bed and quickly answered

"Hello"?

"Oh Em Gee, Tennyten GET TO MY ROOM NOW BITCH!"

I jumped

"Whaaa? Sasuke wtf do u want?"

"Shut up and run! I planted a bomb under your bed to make you get up! ITS GONNA GO OFF IN 30 SECONDS!!!!

"SSSSSHHHHHIIIIITTTTT!!!!!"

I kinda half rolled half fell outta my bed entangled in my blanket landing square on my ass onto the floor with my phone clutched firmly in my teeth (Can you clutch something with your teeth?).

I army crawled outta my room as fast as I could still wedged within my blanket, the room exploded and I had ash and crap all over my face with my hair spiked up everywhere whilst lying in my blanket with a phone in my mouth in the middle of the hall….

I sighed with annoyance/relief just as I saw Neji come around the corner and stop.

"Uh, rough night Tenten?"

I spat my phone out and glared up at him.

"You have no idea…."

* * *

**Approximately 2 mins and 13 seconds later**

I walked into Sasuke's room with my fists clenched and a level 4 grimace face.

Sasuke was talking on the phone and then turned to me.

He just about hit the roof and fell off his chair, his jaw dropped.

"JUDGEMENT DAY" he stammered.

'IT'S ME YOU MORON!"

"Holy mother of Gaydom, of all people I never expected that you, my very own Tennyten was the devil !".

"I'M NOT THE DEVIL, your little "explodius act" is why I look like this!"

A clump of ash fell from my hair and hit my nose.

"OK, let me shower you."

"SASUKE!"

"Oh fine do it yourself then."

* * *

**10 minutes later**

I was back to looking a little more human when I exited Sasuke's bathroom.

I casually walked out stopping at the sight of Sasuke sitting cross legged his hands clasped together supporting his chin, with a dazzling smile.

…………

"What the hell did you do"?!

"Who, me"?

"Yea Sasuke…YOU"!

"Oh nothing, just enjoyed the show"…..

"Oh, that's all, and I thought you had done something bad".

Hold on Tenten, think, think….Put the pieces together……I just got out of the shower…..Sasuke said he enjoyed the show……

"SASUKE YOUR DEAD!

I ran over and planted my foot into Sasuke's crotch as hard as I could.

I waited to so that oh so sweet pained expression on Sasuke's face........But it never came???

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow and came close to my face before giggling to himself

????

He flew back on the computer desk chair and said rythmatically as he snapped his fingers

"Steel underwear Sista!"

"GAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!"

Sasuke started humming to himself and hopped onto his laptop

"Sasuke, what the hell do you think you are doing"?!

"Reading roommates by Metal-Blondie on fan fiction".

"What"?

This story is totally cutting edge and the characters……lets just say I can RELATE!

"Sasuke, did I ever tell you that you are a complete id-….

He cut me off rambling.

"I mean I only read it because I saw the author was from Finland but then fell in love with the story, isn't that sexual? He said turning to me."

I had a bleak expression

"I fail to see how that is sexual".

"Oh well, it must be a gay guy thing.

I paused and then scratched my head

"Was I angry at you for something….It's just slipped my mind".

"Nope you were just offering to do my laundry".

"Really? I could have sworn that I was mad at you".

"Funny that".

Just then the bell rang

"CA-RAP I have to go prepare to go council people!"

I sprinted out of the room as fast as I could!

* * *

**.:Sasuke's POV:.**

Hehehehe, I giggled to myself whilst rubbing oil onto my nipples, my new found business of filming schoolgirls when they're least suspecting is really paying off especially that Neji pays me twice as much for the videos of Tennyten just so I don't sell them to any other guys in the school and hey I'm getting blackmail on pretty much everyone.

"Sasuke you bloody little genius hehehehe".

"You are just amazing"

"Oh do go on"

"And you are a handsome devil too'

"Really? No you're just saying that"

"No really, you are the most smashing boy in the entire school".

* * *

**.:Neji's POV:.**

I walked into Sasuke's room only to witness him rubbing his nipples, staring at the computer screen having a rhetorical conversation with himself in a BRITISH accent…..

He turned to me "Hey Nejes, wedges, what ya doin?"

"Oh nothing really…….JUST REMEMBERING WHY I NEVER COME IN HERE!!"

I said slamming the door on my way out.

* * *

**.:Sasuke's POV:.**

"Ah fickle, hmmm I wonder if Tennyten would be interested in this tape?"

**Tape reads: Drunken Neji takes a shower (uncut)**

"After all, this one sells like hotcakes hehehehe".

* * *

**.:Tenten's POV**:.

I was running around my office filing papers and other annoying crap.

"Oh man, first up is Sasuke". I said in a dull voice.

I already see too much of him, I swear after talking to him for 4 hours one time I looked in the mirror and saw Sasuke's face staring back at me! Talk about disturbing…

I slumped down deep into my chair, I had been a little concerned lately, actually _A LOT_ concerned.

I have been having at least one romantic dream a night about N-N-N…..I CAN'T EVEN BRING MYSELF TO SAY HIS NAME!!!!

Oh Tenten your hopeless…I'm always really happy when I'm with him in my dreams and then I wake up and realize it's not actually real which really bums me.

But then again this is my enemy we're talking about!

I closed my eyes "Oh, Neji".

"Ok before I open the door please tell me you aren't doing the dirty right here in your office".

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Sasuke walked in.

"Don't worry Tenten, we all get a little _"excited"_ over Neji every once in a while".

"OK, EW **1)** I am **not **getting_ "excited"_ over Neji and **2)** you are _way_ too upfront."

"What tenten? I thought you understood a man has needs and urges and urges to fulfill his needs and…..

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!! I am the one giving the advice here Sasuke".

"I was just praying when you were N-N-N-in that you weren't going to say Naruto".

"SASUKE! YOU WERE EAVSDROPPING ON ME!!!"

"Guilty as charged"

"Argh I don't have time for this so lets get right into this shall we?"

"KAY"

"Okay so the school has given me a questionnaire for each student, I will ask a question and you simply answer, I write the answers down and it gets forwarded to the principle for evaluation, etc, YAH FOLLOW'?

I looked up at Sasuke de-wedgying himself

"I'm sorry did you say something"?

"SASUKE!"

"What, steel thong's are irritating, I had to pry them out with a spanner before".

I shuddered.

"Just answer the damn questions."

"Fine".

"Let me just warn you they get a little full on".

"Tennyten, If I can ride one of those electric bull things and only get slightly turned on, then I can handle some little "questionnaire".

"Ugh, O-K".

* * *

**Sasuke's questionnaire**

**1) ****If you could make someone fall in love with you who would it be? **Pete Wentz**.**

**2) Who would you turn gay for? **Um, I'd turn straight for Sarah Palin.

**3) If you could make a teacher fall in love with you who would it be? **Tsunade, but when she was a guy.

**4) Most attractive body part on the opposite sex? **Toe nails.

**5) Who would you trade bodies with? **The Hoff (David Hasslehoff).

**6) If you could kill someone who would it be? **Gaara.

**7) which of your fellow classmates do you picture naked most often? **Neji.

**8) Do you fold or scrunch your toilet paper? **I fold it like origami.

**9) How often do you change your underwear? **Every hour on the hour.

**10) My personal philosophy is: **Everything you do will end up on you tube.

* * *

"Ok, I don't think you quite understand what a questionnaire is but I'm not going over that again".

"I have a major issue that desperately needs discussing". Sasuke said dramatically.

"Sasuke I am never, NEVER waxing your bikini line again, I thought I made that perfectly clear!"

"No, no this isn't about that".

"Ok, what is it?"

" Well, I'm sure you're aware tenten, that in every mans life there comes a time when one asks himself, what is it?"

What is it? I had nooooooooo idea what the freakin' hell Sasuke was going on about.

Sasuke moved towards my office window as he continued to speak, all the time keeping his serious and monotone voice on.

"he asks himself what is it?, whether it's the way he speaks, the way he looks at you, the way he dives into that pool to fetch out some leaves in his small black Speedo's that tease you by showing only a glimpse of his sculpted buttocks and –"

"Sasuke what the hell are you on about?"

What was Sasuke going on about? Who was he talking about? More importantly who's sculpted buttocks was he talking about?

"Oh can't you see it tenten? I'm in love"

What-the-f*#!

"Love….?"

"Yes Tennyten I have found the Juliet to my Romeo the polish to my nails, the milk to my cookies……. I'm in love with him"

Sasuke began prancing around the room in a happy daze as he repeated "I'm in love, love I tell you".

I decided he had emotionally scarred me enough for today, so I tried to rap things up with a few last questions.

"Okay, so you're in love with someone why is it such a serious matter?"

Sasuke stopped prancing around my office when I said this and his face turned cold and scary, he then sat back down in a chair and muttered something incoherent.

"Huh?"

"I said, it's a serious matter because some fuckin' eye liner wearing, ranga had to go and say he's in love with him too and now he's spreading' all these freakin' rumors that he's gonna marry him and then they're gonna commit suicide together or some crap"

I decoded Sasuke's colorful language to realize what he was trying to tell me. It appeared to me that Gaara and Sasuke were after the same guy that apparently has sculpted buttocks. I decided the only thing left to ask Sasuke was who this guy was before I kicked his ass out of my office.

"So who is he?"

"Gaara you idiot!"

"You mean you're in love with Gaara?!"

"No! I said the eye liner wearing ranga was Gaara!"

"Oh, okay I get it now, sorry my bad Sasuke, so anyway who are you in love with"

Sasuke sighed and shook his head as he returned to the window he seemed to like so much.

"the man I love, the man I wish to press my body against and hear his heart beat, the man I long to pin to a wall and-"

This was as far as I was letting Sasuke go with what he "longed" to do with some guy. So I approached the window in an attempt to shut him up when he grabbed my head and forced my face into the window as he shouted.

"That man tenten, he is the love of my life!!"

I opened my eyes the best I could as my face was smooshed into the glass window to see the new guy that had been hired by Tsunade to clean the school pool, he has straight black hair, monotone black eyes, very pale skin and the freakiest smile I have ever seen.

"The cabana boy?"

"Yes tenten Sai is my love, I am in love with Sai, the cabana boy"

What- the-hell...Sasuke….in love….cabana boy….does not compute…

Oh my god brain overload I don't have time for this!!!!!

I whipped out my timetable to find my next class, when I saw the most sinister word in the whole of the world, and no, it was not Sasuke's name, it read "English Exam class E5"….

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"HOLY MOTHER OF…"

I turned to see Sasuke clearing his throat with his eyebrow raised

"You better say Gaydom" Sasuke said in a stern voice.

"OH WHO CARES"!!!

"I CANT BELIEVE WE HAVE THE ENGLISH EXAMS TODAY!!!".

I hate English I failed the last 2 exams and if I fail this one…..

Sasuke interrupted my rant…

HE WAS GARGLING FAKE TAN!!!!!!!!!

"Sasuke isn't that poisonous?!?!?!"

He turned and spat it out the window and smiled at me with his new orange teeth…

"What Tennyten? This is like totally cutting edge; you know this is the Hoff's 12th hidden beauty secret". He said jigging his eyebrows up and down.

All of a sudden I heard a feminine shriek from a few stories down, out the window.

"Oh God my beautiful pale complexion ruined!!!"

Me and Sasuke ran over the window to see the victim of Sasuke's "Spit n' shine tan treatment".

Sasuke gasped "Oh my love"!!!!

Sai had a snail trail of fake tan from his navel down to his well….crotch.

"I shall never be seen in these Speedos's again"!

And with that Sai ran off hysterically…

I exploded with laughter Hahahahahaha I then turned to see Sasuke with storm clouds over his head.

He put his hands on his cheeks.

"What have I done"? He said digging his acrylic nails into his face with blood seeping from one…

"O-K" I backed out slowly, this had gone too far .

Then I backed out my door into a familiar grip.

"TENTEN" Ino said tightening her hands around my waste.

"Oh hey we've got English together".

"Hehe" I giggled nervously.

Ino spun me around and pressed her chest into mine, she then ran her pointer finger down my shoulder and looked at me slyly.

"You know I could….."Walk" you to class and we could stop by my dorm on the way.

Shika-Kun is out, getting more vodka coffee and Lee, well…..Since Gai came along he's never there, I even made my bed this morning.

"Uhh" I said nervously.

Just as I said this I felt Ino inhale my scent off my neck….I gulped.

I analyzed the situation I could either be "walked" to class by the sexual Ino or stay in my office with Sasuke as he shredded his face to pieces….

I was gonna take my chances with Ino.

* * *

**5 minutes later**

I took my seat for the English exam….god was I happy that just before Ino pushed me into going into her dorm with her the bell rang out for class.

Itachi Salsa danced into the room still bearing his Hitler moustache….Sakura swooned at the sight of this…

Itachi clapped twice "Ok students, today is your 3rd English exam you need at the bare minimum to get a c on this test to pass English, for those of you who fail to pass English this year…GO TO HADES!"

At these words the entire class gulped.

"Hahahaha, just joking students, however if you do fail English you will repeat" Itachi cackled madly.

I then looked over at Sakura to see her drooling at him and she started to rant.

"Oh Itachi-sama-sensei-san you're so smart and handsome and funny and-"

"Okay Sakura-san that will do" Itachi interrupted.

Yeah ever since Sasuke came out of the closet which was traumatizing for Sakura, she has had this weird infatuation with Itachi and recently his err… "Stache". Of coarse this was much to Lee's disappointment or how he put it "one of the downs of youth".

Itachi began handing out the test sheets while he gave us the usual "you'll be sent to Tsunade for cheating, the last kid that got sent to her office came back without a right arm, how much to you value your limbs" lecture.

I stared blankly at the test sheet in front of me; it was turned over because the test hadn't started yet so I was inevitably staring at a blank page.

I tried with all my self control to tear my huge brown eyes away from the page, but somehow I couldn't. This test was life or death for me. If I failed then my counseling rights would be revoked! And I would forever be that bun headed girl that repeated because she sucks at English.

Itachi finished handing out the test sheets and returned to the front of the class room.

"Okay students you may start on three…Ichi…Ni…..San!"

As soon as he said three the entire class flipped over their papers, well the entire class minus Shikamaru who has officially broken his record of falling asleep in class.

I looked at the sheet of paper and death glared it, I wasn't going to let a piece of non recyclable paper beat me "Tenten the great". I took out a lead pencil and began writing.

* * *

**30 Minutes later**

I was confident about the first few questions, they were easy and I was sure I had gotten at least half of them right.

I looked around the room and saw that most people had finished now and Shikamaru had finally woke up and was lazily scribbling in some answers within the last 2 minutes of the test.

I had one question left, the final question, the question that my very life rode on.

My tension was growing, I had a horrible knot in my stomach, my eyes stung from how hard I was focused, my legs were shaking, my teeth even started to chatter!

The room was silent and all I could hear was the sound of the clock going "tick, tick, tick" and after a few seconds of this painful silence the ticking seemed to get louder and louder until it felt like "TICK, TICK, TICK!" was pounding into my ear while sweat dripped down my neck.

The last question was hard and all I could hear was the ferocious ticking sound and not to mention the horrible feeling of my entire body tensing, I felt like I wanted to scream! I was going crack any second now, I was about to run out of the room screaming when.

"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?! WHOO?, WHOO?, WHOO?, WHOO?, WHOO?!" Kiba's phone started vibrating violently across his desk while it screeched "Who let the dog's out?" by "the Baha men", and as soon as this scene started Akamaru leaped out of Kiba's shirt , onto his desk and started break dancing to the song, as soon as Kiba answered the phone Akamaru dived back down his shirt leaving then entire class jaw dropped in shock.

Kiba answered his phone "uh heya?"

"KIBA VHY U LEAVEA ME!?" a foreign and well freakin' scary voice screeched from Kiba's phone, in fact it was so loud Kiba held the phone back from his ear and covered it with his hand.

I had no doubt that this was Svetlana calling him.

"What are talking about Svetlana? I would never leave you" Kiba replied in a hast.

"Zen vhy my cousin Milica tell me zat ju no lovem me".

"Milica has kinda got a thing for me, but don't worry of coarse I love you Svetlana".

"No I can't believer ju, I just can't, zee pain iz too much, I must leave ju Kiba my love goodbye".

"No Svetlana wait!...oh my god ..No reception!? What the hell, why now of all times!?" and with that Kiba ran out of the classroom holding his phone in the air trying desperately to get reception.

I've got to say that was the weirdest thing I have EVER seen…unless you count the stunts Sasuke pulls, god he's creepy.

"O-kay, that was disturbing, anyway students you have 10 seconds left" Itachi informed us.

Oh em gee…..10 FREAKIN SECONDS!?

I looked back at my test the last question was still there answerless, and the seconds were running out.

Just then I heard Shikamaru mumbling in his sleep, I leaned closer to him to try and hear what he was mumbling, I listened closely and soon realized that he was muttering the ANSWERS!…..hallelujah! I'm saved!

He muttered the answer to last question and I wrote it down almost in time with the sound of the bell.

"Okay students, that's the end of the test, Hinata and ino please collect the test papers and return them to me"

I handed my sheet to Hinata when she walked past.

"How'd you go?" the shy Hyuuga girl asked me.

"Alright I think, what about you?"

"o-oh yes I-I think I d-did pretty good".

"Pretty good?, Hinata you're one of the smartest people in our class!"

"Well I-I s-suppose I did o-okay, oh ten-Chan have you heard about the cabana boy incident this morning?"

"Huh?, what about Sai?"

"Well apparently someone poured fake tan on him and know he's got a w-well, let's s-say patch of fake tan on h-his, w-well groin r-region".

After Hinata told me about this disturbing images of Sasuke butchering his face came to my mind…what the hell was he going to do if it got out that it had been him that spat the fake tan out of the window…oh dear lord.

And with that I sprinted out of the room towards my office whilst screaming "Sasuke don't do it! Your freaky life is kinda, maybe worth living!"… Yeah I know I'm such a good friend.

I came screeching around the corner and collided with my offices door with a huge SLAM! I quickly peeled my face of the door and ripped my office door and went flying into the room screaming "DON'T DO IT!" only to feel myself collide with something hard and toned as I knocked it to the floor.

My eyes were scrunched tight after the collision as I lay on top of something hard and…BREATHING!?

I peeled one of my eyes open slowly to see a pair of big violet eyes staring back at me with a surprised expression and a almost invisible blush tainted on cheeks of my victim that I'd squashed onto the ground.

There were a few strands of hair messily framing his face as he stared back at me. Our eyes were locked for some reason and I couldn't pull away. All I knew was that this wasn't Sasuke, but still he was familiar, a little too familiar actually, but I just couldn't work out who I was lying on top of.

My heart started to race and I could feel my face heating up, I started to realize who it was but I was just praying to god that I was wrong. But when he said my name questioningly it confirmed my fears..The guy I was lying on top of, alone in my office, and a had a strange and some what disturbing compulsion to kiss was……NEJI HYUUGA!

"Tenten I-"Neji began to speak but stopped looking a little choked up.

"Neji?" I asked wanting him to go on.

"Tenten, well I, I" he continued but once again stopped.

My stomach welled up and I got this weird feeling in my head, I saw Neji's face change expression as I felt his hands tighten on my waist and he began leaning his face towards mine. I don't know why but I began leaning into him and we were a mere touch away from a kiss when…

"TENYETEN-CHAN!"

Sasuke almost pulled the door off it's hinges as he pulled it open screaming my name.

After he saw me lying on top of Neji he closed the door slightly and said slyly.

"Oh, oh sorry, having some alone tome are we?, kukkukukukuku well I'll, leave you too it then".

And with that he closed the door and went screaming down the hall saying something about "this is going to be one hell of a sleepover muhahahahah", yeah I know, I was disturbed too.

The thing I couldn't figure out was why I was pissed that Sasuke interrupted me and Neji, that and why Neji was in my office in the first place. I was meant to have ino and Shikamaru next not Neji, in fact I was never meant to have Neji for counseling. The stubborn jack ass must think he's just perfect pff.

"Uh tenten?"

"Yea?"

"You're kind of…crushing me".

"Oh sorry!" I jumped of Neji and stood up watching him dust himself off. He was so, just so, breath taking..OMG TENTEN GET A GRIP THIS GUY IS THE OBJECT OF YOUR HATRED!

Why the hell did I go to kiss him?! Why the hell is he in my office?! Omfg I was on top of him! He could probably feel my…CURVES! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Uh are you alright?" Neji asked as he watched me run around my room mumbling and screaming.

"Uh yeah….just uh…dandy".

"Dandy?"

"Yeah ha".

"Oh…."

After Neji said that there was a really awkward silence that lasted ages. And you want to know the worst part? The whole time we were silent I was picturing Neji naked..and…I liked it…

"Shikamaru and ino couldn't make it" Neji said snapping me out of my trance.

"huh? Oh why?"

"Um ino said something about Shikamaru having to much alcohol and coffee and well, now they're at the hospital I think".

"Oh, I always knew that Shika-pineapple-head's alcohol would catch up to him".

"Yeah and they asked me to come instead".

"Oh well then let's get counseling shall we, you know let's talk about the great neji Hyuuga's feelings" I said while I grabbed a clip board, paper and pen and sat in my chair.

"Must we?" Neji asked looking very unhappy about the situation.

"Why avoid the inevitable".

"Plenty of reasons" Neji said really seriously.

"Just shut up and sit in the chair" I groaned in annoyance.

"Alright…panda-Chan" he smirked.

"Shut it screw boy" I snarled.

Neji continued smirking at my reaction as he sat down in the chair across from me.

"So where to begin, ooh, ooh I know!, tell me about your life from the very beginning".

"Really?"

"Dam straight".

"okay, well-".

* * *

**.:Sasuke's POV:.**

I rubbed my silky smooth hands together, this sleep over was going to turn the school up side down! I'd already gotten Nejes and Tennyten alone in a room together so the next step would be easy.

_Flash back_

"_You want me to what?" Shikamaru asked._

"_I want you to cancel you appointment and force neji to go in your place, I know he owes you a favor Nara"._

"_I'm not canceling our appointment we've got serious issues to resolve!" ino screeched while she watched her clip on you tube titled "ino runs panty less" god that'd be hot if it was Sai or even Naruto._

"_Yeah Uchiha, I know it's a drag but we really need this appointment to resolve some stuff, I mean our dads just got married and all" Shikamaru wined._

"_What if....... I pay you?" I asked slyly as I pulled 50 bucks out of my latex under wear._

"…_Deal.." they sang in chorus._

_End of flash back_

"Hehehehe Sasuke you bloody little genius".

The next awesome step in my plan I like to call "operation screw heaven" is to plan a sleep over and invite some people that will play certain "roles" in my plan, but more importantly neji and tenten and after they're in my dorm and the sleep over begins kukukuk well that's step 3.

I needed an accomplice for my sleepover plan someone to be my messenger boy, someone that looks good in tights and seeing as lee was unavailable (something about youth, Gai-sensei and proving he has no limits) I decided to call "agent stupidity" or Naruto. I dialed his number into my phone which happens to be 4 -5683 – 72636 or I - love - ramen….dobe..

"Ah yeah" a voice screeched out of my phone, why does this happen every time I call him?

"Okay listen up dobe".

"Sasuke-teme is that you?"

"Yes now shut up and listen"

I explained the plan to Naruto and we arranged to meet in the science room, I instructed him to bring the props necessary for my master plan kukukuk.

* * *

**About 10 minutes later**

"Alright teme I'm here!" the dobe yelled in his scratchy voice.

"Shut the hell up dobe" I screamed back at him as I closed the science room door.

"Okay let's run through the checklist" I said as I pulled out a clipboard from nowhere, "invites?"

"Check!" Naruto sang.

"Lights?"

"Check"

"Paper?"

"Check"

"Condoms?"

"Check, uh why do we need these again?"

"For water bombs you baka" I said nervously shifting my eyes from side to side.

"Uh alright, but why did I have to get apple flavored?"

"Because I like apple flavor alright!" I snapped.

"Alright don't get all hormonal on me" Naruto sneered.

"Bottle of liquor?"

"Uh check, but once again what's it for?"

"Spin the bottle of course".

"Oh…then why the whisky?"

"Simple…whisky makes people frisky" I said ripping the bottle out of naruto's hands .

"So how are we gonna empty it?" Naruto asked.

"Gee, I wonder" I said sarcastically as I chugged down the hard liquor.

"Oh…whatever you say teme".

"It's Uchiha-sama to you".

"Whatever" Naruto said rolling his eyes.

"Alright, pillows?"

"Check".

"Cameras?"

"Check".

"Microphone?"

"Check".

"Peanut oil, ketchup and fake tan?"

"Huh?..what the hell are they for!?"

"I'll have you know they are body purifiers!"

"Alright, alright whatever you say…hormonal son of a cow" Naruto whispered the last part but I still heard him.

"Okay that's all we need for now".

"Hey Sasuke, you're gonna pay me back for buying all this stuff right?"

"Uh…suuuure, riiiight, pay you back yep" I said slyly.

"Sweet".

"Now help me with these pillows".

"Okay dattebayo!"

* * *

**.:Shikamaru's POV:.**

I was walking down the hall counting my money, Uchiha had paid me and ino to make neji go to our counseling appointment claiming I had overdosed with vodka coffee.

The dumb ass actually believed us and pretty much jumped at the idea to be in a room with that violent bun head, how troublesome.

"ah, ah, ah,".

I heard two voices coming from science room D3, I walked over to the window as I sipped my alcoholic caffeinated drink, that's ino is still winging at bout being dangerous for my health, jeez she thinks alcohol at 14 is dangerous but sexual activity is safe, pff what a troublesome woman.

I looked in the window to the classroom to see Uzumaki in the boxers and Uchiha in a g-string beating the crap out of some feather pillows.

"Ah, ah, ah take that you dam pillow".

"Shut up dobe, put your back into it".

…Okay, there has got to be a perfectly good explanation for this ….just like the time I saw tenten fall past our window…..or the time I found Sasuke in my locker..wait that never did get explained….shit…maybe…maybe ino really was right…maybe I should lay off the vodka coffee….nah too troublesome.

* * *

**.: Sasuke's POV:.**

Me and Naruto were still in the science room getting ready for the sleepover. I needed two pillows to be empty so we were removing the feathers from them.

"Uh teme, why are we doing this again".

"Ah, because, I'm going to fill them with something and when Neji and tenten get dirty, we shove them into the bathroom together and lock the door so eventually they'll have to shower together".

"Uh….teme?"

"What now?"

"I get why were getting rid of the feathers, but…why did we take our clothes off?"

"Uh, I don't know" I said shifting my eyes from side to side suspiciously.

"Uh…o-kay".

* * *

**.:Tenten's POV:.**

"And that's pretty much my life story up until here", Neji finished off.

I never knew how hard Neji's life had been, he had always been my enemy and he still is, but, growing up neji had it as hard as I did, maybe even a little worse, and even though I still don't regret setting his hair on fire last year, It was really good talking to him today, I never would've guessed it but, me and Neji actually have a lot in common, that and we both know what it feels like to walk in to Sasuke having "naked Sasuke time" somehow I think neji found it more disturbing than I did.

"Sorry to bore you with the facts of my life" neji said interrupting my mental rant, everybody loves interrupting them.

"Nah, it's fine, in fact I'd rather talk to you them watch ino and Shikamaru argue, they're both stubborn cows sometimes" I said making neji smirk and laugh slightly.

"Well then maybe I should come back sometime" neji said as he stood up from the big black chair he'd spent the past hour or so in.

"Sure anytime" I smiled back as I too stood up.

I put my clipboard down and looked back at neji, I was going to say something but as soon as I turned back to him our eyes locked and my mind went blank, dam mind!

"Tenten I-"Neji said in a hushed voice as he took a few steps towards me.

I gulped, he was really close to me and I could feel all the blood rushing to my face and my heart started beating faster, what the hell was going on!?

"Tenten I-" he continued as he loosely grabbed my hands that were previously limp by my sides.

"Tenten I've always really-"

He continued but was cut off by Naruto smashing through the door and shoving a piece of paper into my and Neji's faces, before he went thudding back down the hall.

Neji and I stood side by side now both gripping a piece of paper in what can only be described as pure shock.

"Naruto certainly has a way with timing" I said breaking the silence.

"Hn" Neji grunted.

I looked down at my piece of paper, it had 3 letters in bold on the back it read " _**OSH Sleepover, Courtesy Of Uchiha Sasuke**_".

I flipped the paper over and found that this was an invite to one of Sasuke's infamous sleepovers, every time he held one someone got arrested and half the people got drunk.

"Sasuke's holding another sleepover in our dorm" Neji groaned in annoyance.

"I wonder what the theme is" I said aloud.

You see Sasuke's sleepovers always had a theme, last year it was Baywatch (shudders) I never want to relive that.

"Oh no" Neji said.

"What!?" I screamed.

"The theme is…."

* * *

**DISCLAIMER!!! I do not own.**

**1) Naruto.**

**2) Soulja boy crank that (chipmunk version).**

**3) Who let the dogs out by the baha men.**

**4) The Hoff.**

**5) Metal-Blondie "Roommates?" Because I AM A SUPER DOOPER FAN OF THIS STORY GET OFF UR ASS ND READ IT!!!!!**

**Anyways thanks for reading Please accept my apology for the late update = [**

**First of all my dog had puppies, secondly my dad came back to Australia from Montenegro for a short Holiday, I got sick twice and had all my half yearly exams nd it is my birthday next week = [**

**PLEASE REVIEW**


	5. The Party part 1 Not Gay?

**Tenten's Diary**

** Chapter 5: The Party part 1 - Not Gay?**

**We're really sorry for how freakin' late this update is but it's here so you may as well read it now hey ^^**

**Warning: Contains language**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Naruto, the Hoff, Walt Disney or Lance Armstrong **

**Enjoy ^^**

**

* * *

**

**.:Neji's POV:.**

Ah crap I should have known that Sasuke would have picked a "confronting" party theme…

I had opened the invite Stamped with the Hoffs face on one side and ass on the other…

It read:

_Dear guest,_

_Tomorrow night you are invited to Sasuke's "Famous couple, gender bender" sleepover._

_In other words there is an envelope attached to this that has inside it the name of one person from a famous couple, because of the gender bender theme the guys will be the female member of the couple and the girl will be the male member._

_You will not know who your partner is until the day of the party; your character has been chosen at random._

_**P.S Remember your character is bound to secrecy so do not reveal who you are to anyone,**_

_**If you do I swear to god I will find out who you are and hunt you down.**_

_Your trusted friend Sasuke._

"Ok I'm gonna go to my dorm and find out who I am" Tenten said as she left her office.

I was now alone in Tenten's office so I reluctantly decided to find out who my character was.

I tore open the letter to find…

"OH hell no, I'm not doing this". I said throwing the name into the trash.

"Sasuke can shove this up his slimy, throbbing….Hang on a sec". A light bulb lit up above my head….. a FLURESANT light bulb, god I hate those things….anyway!

I will be paired with someone….So that means there is a chance I could be matched up with Tenten! I said snapping my fingers.

I turned and tackled the trash can to the ground clutching the tiny piece of paper in my pincer grip.

"This is gonna be one hell of a party" I said enthusiastically.

"I see you got Sasuke's Invite" a deep voice bellowed.

I turned my head to the door, still on the ground with my ass sticking up in the air.

"Tsunade-Sama" I said attentively jumping up, possibly tearing a hole in my pants in the process…

"The little asshole didn't invite me after My swimsuit ruptured last year when I went as Pamela Anderson, I had to pay for therapy for everyone at the party after that, the little prick".

"O-Kay" I said nervously shifting my eyes from side to side.

"Uh, I'd better be going" I said bolting to the door.

Tsunade called out to me down the hall "If you see that Uchiha kid, kick his ass for me will yah!"

"What you mean Itachi"? I screamed back sarcastically.

"NO, SASUKE YOU BLITHERING IDIOT"!

That woman is a frigging nut job…..If she even is a woman.

* * *

**.:Sasuke's POV:.**

I was sitting tweezing some rogue nipple hairs in the cafeteria, everyone would have gotten their invites by now kukukuku, I had said in the letter that the couples had been chosen at random but in truth I had chosen them with my own hands in other words…..

"I LIED MUHAHAHA!"

Shit I said it out loud and now the whole cafeteria was staring my way.

"What are you looking at fatso? GET BACK TO YOUR MEATLOAF!" I screeched at a random.

Now back to my thinking, this is going to be twisted, horny, seductive and disastrous all at the same time

"IT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT!" shit I did it again.

The fat, hairy, nauseating (I suspect to be Choji's Mom) Cafeteria lady stomped over to me with a greasy spatula in hand.

She said (in the voice of the "ugly step sister" off Shrek) "Listen up punk, I put up with your unhygienic hair plucking, you picking your nose and flicking the contents into the pea soup when you thought no one was looking but now-"

I cut her off, raising my finger "Upupupup" I spat in her direction and stampeded towards the door.

"SO LONG YOU FAT WHORE!" I screamed raising my middle finger.

Until I slammed into the wall….

The lunch lady pointed her spatula in the opposite direction "Door's that way punk".

I got up "I was just testing you, you fat bitch" I shrieked this time running out the correct door.

* * *

**.:Tenten's POV:.**

Why does my office have to be so god damn far away? Stupid farking architect…..

I had gotten the invite from Sasuke for his sleepover so I was headed to my dorm to find out who my character would be, although it had been just me and Neji in my office I knew that Sasuke would ram a screwdriver through my head if I revealed my character in front of him.

I heard a squeak and then a rattle coming from my dorm….."Sakura you better be dressed this time" I said opening the door.

I walked in to see Hinata sitting cross legged with a book in her face blushing.

Her top 3 blouse buttons were undone with her bra hanging out, her make up smudged across her face and her shiny black hair resembled a haystack

"Uhh…hi Hinata…something wrong?" I asked eyeing her down and noticing how untidy she looked.

"N-no, I was j-just reading this b-book that's all.." she said in a rushed voice.

It must be one hell of a book I thought to myself.

"Uh Hinata, you can read Arabic" I said flatly pointing toward the book.

Her eyes widened mortified and then she looked at the book again.

"W-well I have just been b-brushing up on it" She stuttered unconvincingly.

"And you can read it upside down' I said gesturing towards the book again.

Her eyes shifted and her mouth opened but no sound came out.

"Uh-huh"…

"Ok games up Hinata what's really going on here"!

Hinata lowered her face fidgeting.

"Um I uh"

"I'm waiting Hinata" I said impatiently tapping my foot with my arms folded.

"Oh I confess" she said throwing the book across the room, slamming it violently into the wall.

"I'm an Arabian Princess"!

I was in a state of shock for approximately 3 seconds.

Then I began "ClintEastwooding".

I squinted at her suspiciously looking for any signs that she was lying.

"It is in my religion to open my top three blouse buttons with my bra hanging out, makeup smeared across my face and my shiny black hair to resemble a haystack whilst reading Arabic upside down ".

"In case you were wondering"….

"Hinata?" I questioned something coming together in my head.

"Uh Yes" she said nervously.

I looked over to the book with a picture of someone bending in a pretzel like position….

"Was that a book on Karma sutra!" I screeched horrified.

"Oh Tenten there is no pulling the wool over your eyes!"

My jaw dropped and my right eye twitched.

"I have been studying it in secret seeing as this book is banned in 17 countries, It is part of my um, princess exam…..It is an important part of my culture"…..

I gawked at her like an idiot; well that explains why she was looking so frisky when I first walked in….

She looked at me expectantly, biting her lip.

"Soooooo…. Why didn't you mention this earlier?"

"ummmmmmmm, I am bound to secrecy incase a new round of assassination attempts threatens the royal family…"

Just then a farting sound came from the closet as it rattled a bit….

I was just too weirded out now, I didn't want Hinata to explain anymore I just wanted to go to the library and find out my character in secret….

"I can explain that too" Hinata said raising a finger.

"Look Hinata Im not sure I really want to know, your secret is safe with me and I really have to go now"

Hinata looked surprisingly relieved.

"Oh yes go Tenten get out of here" She said smiling clasping her hands together.

"Ok I'll leave you to your, er porn viewing" I said awkwardly walking out the door.

"Oh believe me I'll enjoy it" Hinata said then making a weird expression to herself realizing what she had said.

I smirked with the door nearly closed behind me before replying.

"I'm sure you will".

And with that I was outta there!

* * *

**.:Hinata's POV:.**

"She's gone now Naruto, you can come out now".

Naruto jumped out of the closet straddling me on the bed.

"Uh Naruto you farting nearly got us caught"

"Sorry" Naruto grinded in his rough voice.

"It's just that when you started the karma sutra talk, well I got a little excited and…..Lost control of …..that area."

Just then Sakura walked out of the shower her hair freshly wet just wrapping her towel around her.

"Showers free Hin-"

And then she saw me and Naruto, looking like we were…On her bed.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH" Sakura screeched dropping her towel in shock and then I saw such things one should never see, (pink pubes).

I saw Naruto squint for a better look "Oh Momma" he said drool seeping from his mouth and landing on my cheek.

"NARUTO"! I yelled in horror.

And with that Naruto Let out an explosive gastroid. (Losing control again)….

* * *

**.:Sasuke's POV:.**

"Curse those clumsy hands of yours Gaara, you just pinned me in the ass"! I said slapping Gaara's hand.

"It would help if you didn't need your stupid costume so damn tight!"

"Well with an ass like this who wouldn't wanna show it off in skin tight leather!"

Gaara groaned in frustration and disgust.

"Why cant you get someone else to help you put the finishing touches on your outfit".

I turned to him and visiously glared tightening my lips and widened my eyes manically.

I started blinkly violently as I spoke.

"BECAUSE, GAARA AS A FELLOW HOMOSEXUAL I THOUGHT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD BE ABLE TO CAPTURE THE ANGELIC IMAGE I AM TRYING TO GET ACROSS TO THOSE NOT TOUCHED WITH THE HEAVENLY GIFT OF HOMOSEXUALITY WITH MY SEDUCTIVE OUTFIT BUT I GUESS I WAS JUST DAMN WRONG"!

I was panting brutally after my outburst.

Gaara groaned in annoyance and got back onto gluing the colorful sequins to my fishnets.

"That's a good boy, not so hard now is it" I said bending down slapping Gaara enthusiastically on the ass.

He shuddered once and then continued.

"Oh you got a loose thread here Sasuke" He said ripping the thread off my ass.

And with that a glow in the dark condom fell out of my leotard landing right at Gaara's feet.

He sat frozen staring at it for a few seconds and then looked back up at me.

I shifted to my left not knowing how to react when about 10 more fell out each slapping Gaara in the face.

He looked back up at me with a condom covering his right eye and another hanging out of his mouth glaring at me.

I shut my eyes slowly and raised my hands in defence trying to remain calm.

"Okay I know how this looks oh believe me I know how this looks, but , BUT I can explain."

Gaara spat the condom out of his mouth and raised his eyebrows at me sarcastically.

"Strawberry flavored huh, funny I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU AS A CARAMEL MAN!"

He stood up balling his fists, now at my eye level.

"Look they're not mine they're Neji's" I explained.

"suuuuure they are." Gaara remarked not believing me.

"I know that she wouldn't do it, unless there was protection involved!" I spat out defensively trying to explain my plans for nejes wedjes and tenny ten.

I slowly took a step back from Gaara's violent expression when halfway through my step I heard something heavy hit the floor.

"Nice" Gaara remarked.

"And I suppose this belongs to Neji as well" he said picking up the bottle of lubricant.

"Gaara I swear I can expla-"

He cut me off starting to read the bottle.

Lubre De Hoff Specially formulated in the coal mines of Russia by Austrian astronauts and specially trained peacocks to both arouse and tickle your significant other and awaken the sex god within. You will both be in wheelchairs after using this for a week or your money back, Recommended by Lance Armstrong and Walt Disney. Warning may cause cancer, loss of genitalia, orgasms every 5 hours and paralysis from the waist down, Contains traces of squid ink, asbestos and Barrack Obama. Not recommended for people allergic to cabbage, fish scales or wet dog.

Buy our new and improved version Lubre De Frodo with essence of smeagal.

He looked up at me raising his eyebrows.

"Well…..Saving this for someone special are we?"

"Now listen Gaara I can explain!"

Please for the love of god do not let Gaara find the horny goat weed down my bra right now .I thought to myself.

"Now now Sasuke there is no need to explain" he said patting me on the shoulder with an evil smirk on his face.

"I understand the situation _perfectly_" He said turning to leave.

"Good day Sasuke". He said leaving.

"Shit'.

I couldn't even imagine what horrible conclusion Gaara had come to.

Damn I still need more sequins glued to my ass and my nipple tassels stitched on.

I could only think of one other.

I grabbed my cell.

"Naruto I need you here asafp"!

"Asafp?" Naruto stubbornly questioned.

"As Soon As F***ing Possible!".

* * *

**.:Shikamaru's POV:. **

So I've just gotten back from the local fancy dress store to pick up my outfit for Sasuke's party and the first thing I hear is Sasuke screaming from the tenth floor, so I figure I'd better go check it out.

I'm outside one of the art classrooms with Sasuke yelling inside when I can make out some of what he's saying.

"Get it right in the crack Naruto'!

"I'm trying!"

Grunt grunt

"Oh yea the tightness feels a lot better now Naruto"

"I was just worried I was gonna suffocate your ass!"

"If there's one thing you should know Naruto It's that I can never have it too tight".

"Now would you be able to stitch shut my hole Naruto, I'm tearin like bible paper here!"

"Oh easy now Tiger your going real hard I don't want to bleed and end up in hospital"

Oh my god…..What the hell is going on in there?

I look through the frosted glass and can make out Sasuke's silhouette standing up slightly bent over and Naruto kneeling down behind him….Stitching his ass?

I looked down at the vodka coffee firmly gripped within my hand, dropped it shamelessly and casually walked away.

* * *

**.:Tenten's POV:.**

I tried excruciatingly to suppress the last disturbing half hour that had unfolded be forth me and shove it as deep down into my subconscious brain canals as humanly possible, just like trying to swallow a golf ball whole. Ah and down the hatch it goes.

Unfortunately I was finding this hard to do, that was until I smacked my head into a wall, now I had forgotten that disconcerting last half hour along with my locker combination, MySpace password, what happened in the last episode of avatar, the secret ingredient to my moms soup and the meaning of life. Yeah I hit my head pretty fucking hard, steel walls in the library because that's the point where the paedo's try to break in , as you might have guessed.

Four incidents however that could not be erased were the 3 times I got into "situations" with Hyuuga's and that time I walked in on Sasuke …. Yeah.

I stalked through the library in an animalistic manner exactly how you see native Americans creeping around in the movies, trying ever so carefully not to reenact the traumatic day when I ran like a demon through the library and descended into a bookshelf causing the largest game of dominoes in the history of the world that cost my parents a few thousand dollars in the process, yeah crappy day.

Finally I lowered the titanic (my ass) down into a plastic object with four metal legs used to seat ones self when perfoming miscellaneous activities….. Also known as a chair. I slyly slipped my hand into my pocket and shifted my eyes back and forth to make sure that I was not being watched. I swiftly pulled out my piece of paper and held it in my pincers about 1 inch away from my face.

I tore open the envelope with my razor sharp teeth swiftly wrenching my head sideways and spitting with all my might, spraying saliva and paper everywhere like violent diarrhea and then it hit me like the bullet train on speed.

Romeo?

* * *

**.:Sasuke's POV:.**

I swung my wobbly ass from side to side as I heard a knock on the door, I slammed it violently open and glared down to the kid there.

"What the fuck do you want" I said holding my curtain of a Russian fur coat closed disguising my true outfit.

"I'm just here for the p-party" he stammered nervously.

"You better show me your fucking invite before I whoop that stunted growth of an ass attached to you."

He nervously pulled a paper from his back pocket and passed it to me, hands shaking.

I closely inspected the paper and when I saw the broken seal of the Hoff's ass on the back I recognized that this was legit.

I tore open my coat faster than kids tearing open their present on Christmas.

I stood legs widely spread and twirled my nipple tassels before grabbing the kid by the shirt and throwing him into the room.

"And I'm not releasing you until you kiss me".

The kid gulped, he was going to be the first of many victims….

**

* * *

**

.:Tenten's POV:.

I was freakin' late, freakin' freakin' late… this was not good…

I stampeded down the halls of our boarding school to sasuke's room. The party had started over and hour ago and I was going to be in so much shit. Just like the kid who descended into a pile of warm elephant shit that time we went to the zoo, but so much worse. As I ran the armour chafed against my thighs, it was like carpet burn but so much fuckin' worse…

I approached the door to sasuke's room and his unfortunately mandatory party, only to see a women's ass in a yellow dress, head smashed through the middle of the door that was obviously on the inside of the party.

Now upon seeing this I had to admit, a girl in a yellow dress with her body on one side of the door and head on the other, well my first guess was that it was all to likely that Gaara's face was on the inside of that door. This was probably because sasuke and him had some argument over "the cabana boy" leading to sasuke ultimately drop kicking his ranga ass straight through the door.

The ass began to wiggle to music that I could hear pumping from the inside. I sighed a painful sigh as I stood clad in my shining armor, fuck it weighed a tonne… my hair was tied back in a low ponytail and I had a blue cape attached. See I hadn't really gone to heaps of effort for this costume at all, in truth sasuke had just "happened" to find this old knights outfit just "lying" around in his wardrobe. It was very possibly the only male outfit in there….

My hand clutched the door handle and I slowly opened it, still with someone's head on the inside. Upon opening the door I found what was Sasuke and Neji's room to now be what looked like a huge pent house/strip club….

The song man eater by Nelly Furtado pumped as Ino pole danced in the middle of the room. I looked around to see a bunch of randoms and the few people I sadly had to admit I knew….

Sasuke sat at- shit there was a bar? Well yes anyway sasuke was at the bar abusing the bar tender, and well slightly coming onto him at the same time and he was dressed as oh kami… A playboy bunny, he had a blonde wig, bunny ears, nipple tassels and an outfit that appeared to be made of very tight fitting leather. I looked across the room to see Temari sitting on a lounge dressed as Hugh Hefner. Sasuke was obviously Temari's bitch for the night.

I noticed Ino had just stripped off, she was actually in costume. Her hair was tied back and she had a well placed leaf to cover her ah… down stairs… or well map of tazzi (AUSTRALIAN JOKE! :D). Shikamaru was shaking his head as she humped the pole and telling her to get down. His hair was let down and once again a well placed piece of foliage… they were Adam and Eve. Because sasuke still had a shred of decency Ino had nipple tassels to cover her girly parts up top.

I moved my eyes across the room to see HOLY FUCK A MONSTER! Oh wait no…. it's just Sakura… she was dressed as the beast from Beauty and The Beast. I looked around casually as I scanned the room for who was supposedly 'beauty'.

"Hello my beautiful flower of youth!" I felt a tug on my cape as someone spoke. I ripped my cape out of the clutches and yelled at the person who had spoke.

"HANDS OFF PEASANT!"

I then realized that the person who had spoke was Lee, and that he was the one shoved through the door of Sasuke's room…

"Lee why are you stuck through the door! And why are you wearing a brown wig and a well…. Dress…" I questioned as I leant down to talk to him.

"Well you see my beautiful flower! I was trying once again to prove just how great and penetrative my undying love for sakura-san was! And well upon trying to perform a mating dance of love I ran up the wall and smashed through the door…"

We stared eachother arkwardly for approximately 5 and half seconds before I slurred awkwardly,

"Well… that's…. nice…. So what about the outfit?"

"Oh can't you tell? I am beauty!" Lee smiled widely, God colgate really made your teeth gleam…

Just then a silky fountain of glorious mocha cappuccino curls twirling around magnificently under the disco lights had me gawking like the rabbit who sat on his carrot and up the shaft it popped.

Oh for the love of god it was Neji Hyuuga….Or should I say, JULIET?

""!

Suddenly everyone was staring at me as if I'd plopped a steamer in the middle of the dance floor, so not my finest moment.

I saw the face of a very unimpressed Sasuke as he whipped a cherry out from his sizeable cleavage and plopped it in his martini.

"Tennyten, I know you're Romeo and all, but seriously you don't have to reenact the dying scene"… He condescended.

"No,no I just remembered I have no clean underwear left, "!

""!

The sad thing was that was not a cover up…

Everyone slowly went back to their questionable activities..

And the from the corner of my eye I caught Neji "Juliet" Hyuuga swanning his way towards me in his beautiful white dress complete with angel wings.

"So no clean underwear huh"? Neji cackled like the witch he is.

"Yeah, moving on uh we're partners…..Great." I said feeling the anger burning within.

Unexpectedly I heard a voice booming from the microphone and the caught the sight of the spotlights reflecting from Gaara's evil gleaming eyes.

"Ladies, Gentlemen and who am I kidding FUCKWITS and WHORES, I stand before you on this fateful night with a message from God"…. He said raising his fist.

Oh great, here we go, I thought to myself, realising Gaara was clutching his bible.

"Someone among us has been less then honest and pulled the wool over each and every one of your eyes... Yes even Jimmy the three eyed kid" Gaara preached.

Suddenly everyone in the room started yelling out random and disturbing confessions..

"I saw Tsunade Sama naked…And I liked it".

"I'm the one whose been wiping their ass with the permanent records"

"I'm a slut"!

"Ino we already know". Shikamaru said sarcastically.

"I was one of the girls in two girls, one cup"

"I have a wiener and a hotdog bun"!

"Once I sneezed and farted at the same time" I covered my mouth in disbelief that I just yelled that out. Me. Tenten.

Then Lee started to cry out "I've had impure thoughts about Gai sensei"!

Shikamaru started to cry "Me Too"!

"Shut up you sick bastards" Gaara screeched.

"What I speak of is a far darker secret than even Ino's fake tan"

"It's not fake I'm part Cherokee, Ya racist flame crotch"! Ino rebelled.

"Shut up"! Gaara said with crazy eyes hurling his bible blindly at Kiba's head before Akamaru proceeded to hump the bible…

"I'm just gonna come out and say it, Sasuke Uchiha is STRAIGHT"! Gaara squealed thrusting a finger in Sasuke's direction.

The entire party gasped in shock.

The spotlight landed on a sasuke with his face in, gasp a playboy magazine.

Suddenly Sasuke dropped the magazine, raising his hands defensively.

"Look I can explain" Sasuke stammered reaching a full vertical stance followed by a large tear and the evidence all crashing down…

This included, what appeared to be around 100 glow in the dark strawberry condoms, 10 pounds of horny goat weed, 1 supersize family value bottle of lubricant, 16 Whizz'n'Shake pregnancy testers and a mouldy pickle.

After all this came flooding out of sasuke's leather outfit he muttered only two words as the rest of us gawked, once again like the rabbit who sat on his carrot, at his apparently 'straight' as hell ass.

"Shit Muffins."

* * *

**Thanks for reading bitchez ^^**

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**because remember**

**- The Candy Man Can**


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